It Doesn't Really Matter, Anyway

3: Struggles

"Tristan?!"

Okay, Rie wasn't expecting that kind of a reaction from Amy.

"TriSTAN?!"

"Yes! Tristan! Why?" Rie replied, trying to figure out why Amy was going ballistic.

"TRISTAN."

"YES! TRISTAN! WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL AMY?" 

Amy slowly raised her hands holding onto her notebook, eyes deadlocked on Rie, as she brought down her arms and hit her right over the head.

"What the hell?!"

"Youuuu lucky bitch."

Rie and Amy had their first "lit session" in Amy's condo. It was a place rented by her family so that she could get to class on time instead of having to commute to and from school every day. It was small, but comfortable. Amy sat on her legs on her bed kneeling next to Rie, as Rie sat cross-legged with her poetry notebook in front of her.

"I'm not that lucky if you had to hit me on the head."

"GIRL. It's Tristan!"

"YEAH. IT'S 'TRISTAN'. That's all you keep saying! What the hell is going on?" Rie finally snapped.

"He's cute! That's what's going on."

Rie blushed. 

"I didn't notice." She finally said, looking away.

"Oh. OH? You didn't notice? You're red."

"Okay, so he is cute. What then?"

"Every girl and a few guys, might I add, think he's the hottest thing in the world."

"How do you even know that?"

"It's called making friends, Rie. You should try it out."

"That's what I'm doing with you isn't it?"

"Hmmm... touché." 

"Do you think he likes you?" pried Amy.

"Amy! We met ONCE and it was because he had to tell me off in the bookstore! I highly doubt it."

"But he helped you put the books back!"

"That's his job!"

"Whatever girl, you're blind as fuck."

"You weren't even there!" 

"Okay, FINE. But I'm keeping an eye on him. This is the type of thing I live for!" Amy said, flinging herself back onto the bed.

"Do whatever, Amy." 

Exasperated, Rie took her notebook and got up to pack her things.

"Hey, where are you going?" Amy said, sitting up.

"I need to take a walk."

"But what about our lit session? We haven't even started!"

"Let's reschedule."

And with that, Rie left the apartment.

******

Too loud. The world is too loud.

Rie had her arms crossed against her chest as she walked down the street with her head hung low. The skies were greying and the sun seemed to be dimming. Spots of water started to show on the concrete floor. Rie looked up to find that it had started to drizzle.

Breathe.

Her hands started to fidget, opening and closing voluntarily, rubbing her fingers against her palms. Her breathing was getting heavier.

Shit. Not now.

She hadn't gotten too far from Amy's condo, maybe a good 10 minutes away, and she needed a place that was far less noisy than the open street that she was walking in. So, she walked back as quickly as she could.

******

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Amy opened the door.

"Shit, what happened to you? You're soaking wet!"

Rie felt weak, and she was growing even weaker by the minute. The world was getting louder and louder.

"Please let me in, I need quiet."

Before Amy could answer, Rie made her way into the condo. She stopped in place.

"Rie, this is John." Amy said. "He's in our class too, and he lives in this building."

John took her by surprise. She had only been gone for twenty minutes, she didn't think to find someone else in Amy's condo so quickly. He was fairly tall, with clean cut hair. He wore a plain black shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

"Oh." was all Rie could manage to say. 

"Hey." John said, approaching Rie for a handshake. Rie took a step back in response.

"Oh, I'm wet."

"Right, maybe after you dry off then?" He said, smiling.

"Yeah... Ames, I'll use your bathroom okay?"

"Sure, my towel's hanging behind the door."

Rie walked in, John's eyes following her, and slowly closed the door. Amy and John's conversation continued, muffled in the background. She sat on the floor, brought her knees to her chest and started to count, tears falling from her eyes. 

Heavier, and heavier. Her breathing was getting heavier, slowly becoming a laborous task to inhale air. The world was collapsing all around her, and her body grew numb with pins and needles.

Breathe.

******

Rie went home. 

After her episode in Amy's bathroom, she became exhausted and decided to take a taxi home instead. So into her room she went wearing fresh new clothes. She crawled onto her bed and buried herself in pillows and blankets.

It never ends.

****** End of Chapter 3 *******