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t h r e e carpe diem
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two thousand nine
WINONA WAS SIXTEEN. A lot had changed in the past six years — wandering around the house had gotten old, the mysterious rooms had become rather uninteresting, and Winona had even become desensitized to the dinners, the cars, and the books.
The change was very gradual at first, mainly because Winona moved in with the Monroes during the summer; but once the next school year approached, their perfect lifestyle of drinking tea, lounging around with a book, and playing board games drastically shifted.
Pamela and Lawrence enrolled Winona into a Catholic school, complete with plaid skirt uniforms, a class devoted to studying the Bible, and chapel every Thursday. This was completely against Winona's will, being atheist. But Pamela and Lawrence promised that the expensive private school would help her grow to love God while also receiving a "proper" education, one that would challenge her — as if the extra math lessons weren't enough.
Pamela wanted Winona to replace the summer afternoons of playing rugby with the neighborhood boys with more "ladylike" activities, such as piano, gymnastics, ballet, and French lessons. She wouldn't have minded it if she had a minute of free time.
Lawrence took more after his father than Winona would have liked; he strongly believed that physical exertion built character in young girls. He enrolled her in kickboxing and jiu jitsu classes before her eleventh birthday.
Pamela and Lawrence eventually came to a conclusion without allowing Winona's two cents; when they sat her down and told her the plan, Winona was left shocked into silence by people actually having the audacity to intervene and control her entire life. Past foster parents only had the ability to move her from place to place, not plan her daily activities.
She felt the need to rebel, to stick up for herself — but she just couldn't do it. They were her parents, after all... they adopted her. She ought to be immensely grateful. Winona would rather have strict parents than get thrown back into the system without a family at all.
So, sixteen-year-old Winona was no longer Winona; she was the model of who Pamela and Lawrence wanted her to be. She had realized this, too — she understood that the wealthy couple must have a keen toward fixing people, so they decided to adopt a broken yet sweet girl with potential in order to transform her into something they'd like her to be.
"Good night" and "have a good day" became formalities. Pamela and Lawrence were Winona's guardians; they weren't "mom" and "dad." "I love you" had never been said in the household.
All three of them had accepted that although Winona was trying her best to be who they want her to be — she felt like she owed them for adopting her, after all — her heart most certainly wasn't in it.
