Zoe.

“No.229- Just because it’s not happening right now, it doesn’t mean it never will. “

 

I always lived by this quote, although I never truly believed it.

I used to ask mom about it, whenever she was around, and she always told me the same thing.

“It’s called hope, honey. ” And she would swipe her red lipstick over her lips.

“It’s like believing to God. You always have your doubts but you never stop believing, cause you hope someone actually cares about you. “

That always confused me, cause I would tell her how much I loved her everyday, yet her answer never change. She was a wise woman but she always made the wrong choices. At least that’s what she always told me. She talked to me about everything a lady needs to know. But most of all she would talk to me about death. How unexpected it will come one day and that it always okay to mourn. She had lost a lot of people through out her life. Her father killed her mother when my mother went to chase her dreams in Chicago. He had found her with another man. He went to jail and died a few years later from cancer. She had lost two other children before birth, all of her three dogs, and her big brother ran away one day and no one knows what he is doing right now. She was a pained woman. She had turned to alcohol and drugs from a young age. She and my father met when both of them joined rehab. He was a victim of drug abuse and my mother for alcoholism. They helped each other and got better. They got married and tried for children but my mother had a condition, but they kept trying. And on their mid-thirties I happened.

 

I had a good childhood. My parents raised me well and spoiled me just enough. We lived happily in Chicago, my dad worked his butt of and got us a nice apartment in the city close to his job and my mom, stayed home and took care of me. Some nights when my dad and I were asleep she would sneak out and get some drinks but when my dad found out about it, he was furious. Mom left for a week and came back with promises and false hopes for my father. He believed her. For a year everything was fine.

 

When I turned seven, my dad surprised us and took us to Florida and we had a vacation for a month. My dad and I went for ice cream one day while my mom was alone. She had consumed a lot of alcohol.

 

My mother died that day.

 

I had found her lying in the bath tub, vomit around her. I tried to call someone but my voice just wouldn’t come out.

 

As soon as her funeral was done, we left Chicago and moved to New York. With the money we got from selling the house and all of our properties in Chicago we bought a small apartment in the city. The neighborhood wasn’t great but with time and patience I learned to control it.

 

 In the apartment next to us lived Seth. He was older than me and a lot taller than my dad. He didn’t have any family so my dad felt like he was his own. We invited him for dinner, lent him money when he needed and took care of him. He slowly became a brother to me and he was always protective. He never let me walk to school, he drove me and picked me up everyday. He helped me with my homework, problems and beat up a few guys who broke my heart. When my finals started he encouraged me and supported me. He and my dad always were a great help. When I got my results, even though they weren’t so good, the congratulated me and praised my good work. I had and have the most supportive family I could ask.

 

This is my story so far. Do you want to join me for the rest?

 

 

-Zoe.