At first That person hadn't caught her interest at all. They were a friend of a friend and she had hoped to make acquaintances with Them but never planned to take it any further than that.
At first the fast pace and everyone talking over each other's head had made her a little winded. It also make her wholly indifferent to anything said.
Then it calmed down or perhaps she just got used to it. She got to know these people enough to comfortably- lies- joke with them and use the nicknames they had presented to her. Still, That person remained at a distance and she didn't care.
That person didn't talk much and when they did it was never directed toward her. Through a series of in retrospect rather mundane events the two of them had ended up in a position where a conversation was in order. To talk it out and figure out how to reduce the damage caused by their actions.
She confessed that That persons actions had hurt her. It was a lie (Mostly anyway).
Her intentions hadn't been to end up in a position like the one that had played out and in retrospect that was one of the few lies she sincerely with her whole being regretted having told.
Looking back she would compare her actions to dousing herself in gasoline. To her That person was a raging fire and she was willingly burning herself to death in hopes of lighting some of that wild beauty inside of herself.
But at the very moment her intentions had been simply to end the annoyance that was a series of events she couldn't understand. Yes, she may be a bit of a control freak. The motives behind That person's actions were as shrouded in mystery to her as the next actions They might take.
This was something entirely new to her. She had always had a penchant for reading others, and despite the difficulties that she had putting it into words it was a very accurate talent. She didn't event try to read others, and yet the times someone acted differently from her subconscious predictions were so rare.
Maybe it was because she hadn't talked much to That person but despite how hard she tried she couldn't tell what Their next actions would be. It was as shocking and exciting to have the control she had come to take for granted ripped from her as it was humiliating.
She loved it.
It made her feel alive.
And then she realised.
That it didn't matter if she wished until her mind started spinning and her body started aching. It didn't matter if she valued every single word that skilfully made up That person's exterior. It didn't matter if she could bee beyond Their exterior. Because she wasn't important to Them.
It hurt to see it, but she continued to watch as That person interacted with others. She couldn't stop going through conversation after conversation, message after message That person shared with people that to Them mattered more than she ever would.
It scared her, the thought that perhaps That person wouldn't be able to understand her after all. Had she made a miscalculation?
She continued to cling to every word even as she could feel the throne she had built for That person rotting away, infected by her own doubts. She had to be right, the soul crushing weight of any other alternatives wasn't one she could accept.
She wanted Them to believe every lie she had told Them, and longed for them to see through her at the same time.
They were like poisonous mist to her, she grasped at anything she saw but the only thing she gained was burns and bruises. And the mist continued on its way, wholly unaware of the one desperately trying to pull at its edges.
And it was killing her.
YOU ARE READING
Because That's Life
De Todo"That's called reality princess, and one day you'll have to face it too." Status: Still hiding under my bed. At 3 am the weirdest thoughts come to me. Somewhat of a dairy I guess. But really it's just my thoughts and they're all over the place so it...
