dreamy suicide pact ; tk

2. High

I want to wake up next to you
I want to be high

Jungkook's eyes hurt as soon as he opened them.
It was still dark in the room, his phone told him it was half past seven on a Sunday.
The air was too hot and too stifling, so Jungkook got up and looked around sleepily, looking for a way to the balcony without tripping over something.

The way Taehyung's arms were wrapped around Jimin's waist and pulled him to his chest as close as possible was something Jungkook should've gotten used to by now; but he hadn't, and he had to force himself to look away.
Jungkook stepped over his friends tangled legs and walked towards the balcony door, then he shot a last glance at Taehyung and Jimin, at their relaxed frames and peaceful expressions, before grabbing Taehyung's dark blue hoodie that he had thrown across a chair just prior and opened the door.

The air outside was really cold. It was early March now, and the wind felt like thousands of tiny needles stinging Jungkook's soft skin. He squinted up at the dark sky and quickly put on the hoodie; the sun was already rising somewhere in the distant and the sky was cloudy and grey, and Taehyung's scent was surrounding Jungkook– it was satisfying.
His shoulders tensed a bit when the cool wind hit his naked legs. Just wearing boxers and a shirt was okay when he was inside, cuddled up in his blanket, but not outside.
Jungkook buried his hands in the front pocket of Taehyung's hoodie when he felt his fingers hit something. For one moment, he hesitated, then he pulled a package of cigarettes out.

Of course. Jungkook sighed. He wasn't even shocked or surprised; after all, he knew that Taehyung smoked, but he hadn't expected him to bring cigarettes to Jimin's place, maybe even smoke around him.
If there was something Taehyung kept from Jimin, then it was his problems. And cigarettes definitely fell under that category.

Jungkook looked at the slightly squashed package and opened it easily. For one second, he considered taking a cigarette and lighting it.
It wouldn't even be something new for him. So why not? Why not light one of those damn things and inhale the toxic, grey smoke that Jungkook had not tasted for too long by now?

But then he realized how stupid his thoughts were, and he quickly closed the package and hid it back in the front pocket of Taehyung's hoodie. If Jimin or Taehyung caught him outside, smoking, they would be beyond mad.
So Jungkook glanced around one last time (it was brighter now, but dark, grey clouds prevented the sun from actually shining) and stepped back inside the apartment, quietly closing the door behind himself.
Taehyung and Jimin were still asleep, but their position had changed slightly. Taehyung was laying on his back and Jimin's head rested on his chest. They looked so close, so happy, so intimate, and suddenly, Jungkook felt bad for even just looking at them.

Oh, how badly did he wish to be in Jimin's shoes now, breathing in Taehyung's scent instead of the smell of his clothes, burying his face in his neck instead of cuddling into his hoodie, feeling Taehyung's arms around his waist instead of his own that were trying to get the fabric of the hoodie as close as possible.
But Jungkook would never be where Jimin was now, and that was okay. For now.
He bit down on his lip as he put on his jeans which seemed to be too tight and grabbed his backpack, then he looked at his friends one last time.
They looked so peaceful. It was so unfair.

But that was something Jungkook would keep to himself.

As he left the apartment, his hand slipped back into the front pocket of Taehyung's hoodie, tightly clinging to the cigarette package and squashing it even more.

~

Jungkook hadn't eaten yet.

It was twelve and his stomach had been grumbling for the past thirty minutes, begging Jungkook for just a bit food. But for some reason, Jungkook couldn't be bothered to get up and walk over into the kitchen just to prepare some cheap and unhealthy meal.
Besides, he had had a lot for dinner the day before. Although he wished he could resist whenever Jimin or Taehyung offered him food, it didn't always work. Their suspicious glances or worried remarks made him feel odd. But Jungkook just didn't like eating in front of people. It made him uncomfortable, that's all. It was okay. He was okay.