August Alsina: My Thug Love

Chapter 10

Kianna P.O.V

Bang... bang... bang... was the only thing I could think about. It kept replaying in my head over and over again. The gun shot,  the scream,  the blood,  the body...it all flashed in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It all just happened so fast that I didn't know what to do at the moment, it was like I froze and everything came to a stand still.

I'm currently sitting in a hospital room staring at the lifeless body on the bed. The body that used to belong to a happy soul, someone I cared about since day 1.

A few tears started to fall, then more and more starting coming and I couldn't stop it. I just let them all out since I was tired of holding everything in. I shouldn't have pulled the trigger. I should've waited to see who it was... but now it's too late for that.  All this is my fault! I hate myself for doing this.

Bang... bang... bang... it still played in my head. What I saw and what I did will haunt me for life. If I could switch positions then I would. My life is already all messed up so why not end it.

NO!  I refuse to think suicidal thoughts again. I won't go through with it so why bother. I will not return to those days again. Constantly waiting to die so I could end my hell filled life. 

I stood next to the bed and held the hand that will never hold mine back. I cried even more at that thought. I can't believe I killed my mother. The only woman to actually care about me and love me no matter what.

As I held her hand, memories starting playing in my head.  When I was younger and she would hold my hand when I was scared and would give the warmest hugs to cheer me up when I was down. Having mother daughter days and doing everything together. She was supposed to see me graduate and see me become the woman she raised me to be, but now thanks to me she will never see it.

I held her hand tighter but no matter how long I hold her hand it will never hold mines back.  I looked at her face and she looked so peaceful. I then looked at her belly.  The belly that held my little sister. The baby wasn't fully developed, but the doctor could still tell the gender... it was a girl. I would've had a baby sister... but thanks to me she never got to live her life, she never got to see daylight anything. She would never meet her sister, brothers, or father. She died in my mom's stomach when my mom died.  It's all my fault,  I don't deserve to be here.

My dad walked back in the room. He walked out a while ago and I could tell he was crying because his eyes were red.  "Are you ok?" he asked as he stood beside me. "I'll be ok... this is all my fault.  I'm so sorry daddy," I started crying again, "I should be the one in her position." I said as more tears fell down my face. My dad pulled me in for a hug. He hugged me tight and said, "No don't say that Ki-ki. You didn't know it was her so don't blame yourself for this."  I looked up at him and noticed he was crying. "Don't cry daddy,  we should stay strong for her.  She wouldn't want us to cry all the time. We just have to stay strong." I told him as I wiped his tears away. I love my dad and I don't want to see him cry. This was actually the first time I ever saw him cry. 

"Yeah you're right Ki-ki. She wouldn't want us crying. We'll have to get on with life without her. She may be gone but she will never be forgotten." he said as he held me tighter.  I hugged him back and I didn't want to let him go.

"Excuse me, but it's time to go now.  I'm sorry for your lost too.  You may say your final words before you go." the doctor told us before walking back out of the room.

I looked at me mom and said,  "Momma I'm so sorry for what happened, I'm sorry for all the trouble I gave you at times,  I'm sorry for ending your life like this because you definitely didn't deserve it. I wanted you to see me graduate and become the woman you raised me to be.  I will always love you and no one could or would ever take your place. I know you're looking down on us right now and I'm grateful for that.  You're in a good place right now and that's a good thing. I will stay strong for you because I know you wouldn't want or family to fall apart because of this.  I will hold it down for you so you won't have to worry.  Momma I'll miss you so much and everything you everything you ever did for me. Remember I will always love you, dead or alive I will love you no matter what. You may be gone but you will definitely not be forgotten. I love you momma and rest in peace."  I held her hand and gave it a good little squeeze one last time,  this will be the last time I get to hold her hand so I will hold it even tho it will never hold mine back.

My dad said his last words to her then kissed her lips. It was sad seeing him kiss her and she can't kiss back.  They were the perfect couple and they actually been together since highschool. Thats heartbreaking to see them have to part like this. I know my dad's torn apart inside but he's staying strong.

We walked out the hospital room quietly. I looked back one last time at my mom and one little tear fell before I continued walking. As we were walking to the car my dad reached out and held my hand. I smiled sadly then we walked to the car hand in hand.

The car ride was quiet and I'm glad for that because I don't know what else to say. I looked over at my dad then I looked out my window and up and the sky.  She's in a better place, I told myself, so cheer up because she's looking down on you. I smiled a little at that thought.  "Gone but will never be forgotten..." 

So that's the end of chapter 10. I know you didn't expect her mom to get shot and die but you'll find out what happened in the next chapter and whats going on in August's life. So how do you feel about Kianna's situation?  Comment, vote,  and keep reading. 

Thanks for reading!