Dreamer - a BTS MV FanFiction

Chapter 3 (I Need U): For You

[A/N: Depression.]

HENRY

She is gone. (Shut up.)
She won't come back. (Shut up!)
This is your fault. (SHUT UP!)
You don't deserve to live.

My psychiatrist said, my brain is beating me up. Well, he is wrong. My heart is beating me up.
My mom doesn't even come in to check on me anymore.
I don't touch my food or come out of my room anymore. My phone lies on my bed, I just keep staring at it, hoping she'll call me.
"I'm going out, hon!" The door slams. Mom is gone.
I get up and drag myself into the bathroom. I have lost so much weight, it's unbelievable. Ever since my girlfriend cheated on me, I haven't gotten anything done. And I have started thinking about suicide.
As soon as I stand in front of the bathtub, I see the box. The box with everything related to her in. But I came prepared.
I get into the bathtub, turning up the cold water. I think my sister dyed her shirts in the tub again, because the water turns white.
The box is still standing next to the bathtub; I grab it and get out the first picture.
We're holding hands in front of the lake in our city.
I grab the lighter and set the picture on fire. No regrets.
My eyes sting from the smoke and I drop the photo because it gets too hot.
I grab the next one, burn it, drop it and I am killing her inside of me.
Suddenly it hurts. She was mine, she is mine. Why did she leave?
I get out of the tub, it's too cold.

You're ugly. (Shut up.)
You're fat. (Shut up!)
You're worthless. (SHUT UP!)
Why don't you just die already?

My mom went to work, my sister to school.
I used to go to school. With her...
I get up to go into the bathtub. The cold water stings, but I don't care.
I start burning photos again.
The one we took at the autumn ball. She looked so pretty in her red dress...
The tears fall, but you don't see them in the water. It's cold.

She hates you. (Shut up.)
She has a new boyfriend, someone better than you. (Shut up!)
Everybody hates you. (SHUT UP!)
Why are you still alive?

I

figured out what my problem is.

I'm trapped inside of myself and I'm dead.

I go back to the bathtub. Cold water, pictures. I don't get in, I wait for - the voices.

"You're a worthless thing"
"Nobody needs you"
"Just die already"

I curl up on the bathroom floor, trying not to shake.

Give me back my smile.

My breath catches in my throat, I burst into tears.
Where did my smile go?
The water from the tub is overflowing. I don't care.



Nobody loves you. (Shut up.)
Why would they? You suck. (Shut up!)
You can't do anything right. (SHUT UP!)
Everyone would be better if you were dead.

I get back into the bathtub.
The water is icy.
I'm staring at the pictures, the times I was happy.
It's getting colder.
I set them on fire, watching them burn and fall to the ground.
I'm freezing.
I start crying, try to remember her face and fail.
I'm tired.
I drift under water and allow the cold and the dark take over my body.

I.
Will.
Die.

And I'm not even sad.

When I wake up, I'm in a white room. And one thing I know, I am not dead.

I did this....
For You