The Distance Diary

2017/04/26

Since we have never met, I would like to introduce myself. Hello, my name is Anastasia. April is the last full month I will be a junior in high school and it is terrifying as hell. People constantly ask me "what do you plan to do after you graduate?" or something like that. I usually just say "I plan to go to the military", but the truth? My entire life has been trying to get away from this hell hole called Shortlift. I was looking at college on the west coast. But the problem with looking at colleges is if you don't know what you want to do with your life, you can't find a good college. I have always dreamed about traveling the world learning about the different cultures. On February 15th I didn't realize it then but that was the day my dream changed. How did it change? That was the day I reconnected with my childhood best friend. My dad constantly said " you and Zanye are like two peas in a pod." Even after we moved away He continued to say that. My favorite memory of Zanye is when he had a birthday party. I think I was playing in my room when my dad came and got me and said I had mail. I thought that was very strange so I ran out opened the mail box and an invitation to his party was in it. I was so confused as to why he didn't ask me in person. It wasn't until after we moved did I realize why, it was the same reason as to why he used to look at me like I was the most beautiful intresting thing he had ever laid eyes on (or at least I hope he did and my mind isn't playing tricks on me). He doesnt know it but some part of who I am today is because of how close we were as kids. To be honest I do believe he is the reason I love to check the mail.
  
    I have always had trouble with my emotions, but I didn't realize how much trouble until we reconnected. If it wasn't for one of my best friends physically hitting me in the head me and Zanye would never be dating. I think that is because of a promise I made to myself. I promised myself I would never date or marry a guy in the military. It isn't that I have anything against the military... Its just I seen how it destroyed my family when he was deployed on a marine transport ship. So after Zanye and I reconnected he told me he wanted to be a marine, my heart naturally sunk. Once he told me he wanted infantry or field radio op. I wanted to cry. I still dont understand why. All I know that I wanted to cry and I selfishly thought 'I hope I can talk him out of it'. A month in a half into our relationship, and it is already so god damn terrifing . I know he hasn't left for boot camp yet but what makes it so terrifing is knowing about the unknown. He doesnt know this but after he asked me what was wrong on Saturday, I didn't get to finish what I was saying because my mom heard me crying and made me go to her and tell her why I was crying. I cried for 35 minutes straight on my mom because I was so upset. Before he signed I was going to stay here while he went to shawnee. Since I introduced myself tonight, the real fun begins in the next entry.