Poetry, Feelings That Kill and Save

Why should I be here anymore? (A slam poem)

Why should I be here anymore
When all I do
Is wrong
I ask what people need from me
And they tell me
But me, being a dumb human being
I forget
And then that makes everything my fault
Because Faiths brain never remembers
Anything important
The only things it likes to remember
Is song lyrics
And boys full names
And anniversaries that inevitably don't turn out
And all the things that people say
To tear me down
Until there is not me anymore
And until I am not...
Until I am not wanting to live

I tell my friends
They say
"You will get through this"
"This is why I'm here"
"I love you, don't listen to them"
But what they don't know how to do is save me
They can say all the words but
Guys
I want to die
I don't want to be here
I want to be 6 feet under
In a casket
With a crossed necklace resting upon my hands
With flowers covering my hands
And flowers around my gravesite
And I want people to see
That the shit they say is hurtful
And that they want you to die
Until you're really gone
And everyone blames them

If I were to die by suicide
Then people should know my name
Then they would remember who I was
Then...
Then they would blame the people who said all of those things
Saying that they were the reason that I killed myself
And guess what
Everyone is to blame
Because everyone has said something rude about you
Wether you ever hear it or not
You know it
Even your closest friends
They would say things about you

My friends would mourn me for a month or so
Then go back to their regular lives
Living without me
Lavishly
Without a thought of me
Because they never really cared
They said they would help me through this
But can't you see that it is not easy to weed out
The roots of evil words that people have planted in me
That you must be so skilled
To convince me that I am not less
That I am equal to those people
But you didn't
Guys can't you see
I am dying
I want to die
I don't want to live with these people
The people who claim they love you
But they don't
They think love is equal to heart breaks
But guys
I don't want to live anymore
I want to die
All by myself
In my room
Where no one can bother me
I don't want to be here
God, guys,
Why should I be here anymore!?