Young Mother
When I was 17 I got pregnant , that its is no surprise teen pregnancy is every where these days. My mom asked me what I wanted to do when she found out because she was not ready to be a grandmother at such a young age, And she had just had a baby not too long before that not only that my baby was not a white baby but a Hispanic baby. My mom assumed that he was Mexican and that all Mexicans were just here to get young white girls pregnant. Why do people assume things? Life is never easy! But the truth was that as soon as I told his dad I was pregnant he was gone and I was alone for the most part. This time my mom was right but that doesn't mean that stereo typing is OK or right just because it happen to me does not mean that it happens to every teen girl. I was pregnant and alone and very unsure for what to do! I was very scared and not sure what I was going to do but I did know that I was keeping this baby no matter what. Now was I not only pregnant but had to get my life together so I could raise this baby I was already not used to getting to much freedom because my mom was super strict but my grandma was there too that is how I got the little freedom that I did.
I did not really get much morning sickness I just took the pregnancy one day at a time.
I didn't really fit in any where i was always kind of the outcast is how I felt!
Life is so hard I was a girl who went to church every Sunday and every Wednesday this was something that should not have happen to me I should have known better the truth was that I did know better but the truth was that it felt so nice getting positive attention that I did not care, even if it was the wrong kind of attention.
I was a pregnant teen and life happens and in my eyes everything happens for a reason me being a young mother happen for some reason though I don't know what it is at this point in my life it is here now and I have to take this one day at a time!
I went through pregnancy one day at a time and just held on the best I knew how. I had stopped going to church for a while in shame that I would be judged although that ended up not being the case here. Pregnancy is both hard a scary more so as a teen. I knew from the start that abortion was not for me its not my babies fault the choices I made. When I was about four months pregnant I got a ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby, I had drank so much water on the way to my appointment that when they told me the sex of the baby it made me sick to my stomach. More than likely from them pushing on my stomach. I had started going back to church at this time and feeling like everything was going pretty good I helped watch the little kids in the nursery class. At this point I was probably around eight months pregnant and the church ladies group threw me a baby shower one of the ladies had made a comment that it looked like I had swallowed a basketball! I didn't not feel like I was showing any more then the week before but babies grow pretty quick at this stage in pregnancy. Must have been true though because a few days later while I was at school I was walking down the hall and I over heard a girl asking another girl if I was fat or if I was pregnant? (Why does it matter? I was never "Skinny" but then I was not big either, bigger then other girls yes but I was plus size but not over weight or obese.) The girl had made the comment that I was just fat! (I was not one to stand up for myself I always just kept to myself because I didn't want to be hurt or get into trouble.) This time I told the girl that I maybe fat but that I was pregnant too if it was any of her business.
It was finally that time for my baby to be born I got induced ( due to going over my due date)and had a healthy baby boy! The nurses where in the room constantly checking on me and pushing on my belly to make sure my body was working like it should be after having a baby. A few days later I was able to go home with my son and start being a mom. The first few nights at home I could not sleep I was afraid that if I went to sleep that I would not wake up when the baby started crying.( You do though its just a motherly instinct.) I had lived with my grandmother now and out of my moms house. I had tried to go back to school but the school told me it was too soon after having a baby to go back.(My son was two weeks old at the time.) I had just want to go back that soon so that I wouldn't forget what I had learned before. So I did not go back then but ended up going to a alternative school later where if for some reason I did not have a babysitter then I could take that baby with me. Although that didn't last long either I just got to the point of giving up.
That's what being a mom is never giving up and doing the best you can for your kid or kids you got to be the best mom you can with all you can but you can only be the parent that you turn into you cant be your parent or parents.
After the birth of my son I just kind of lived life the way I knew how being a mom getting a job at a preschool helped a lot raising my son and working to try to give my son the best life that I could.Working at the preschool helped me provide for my son. I was starting to go out some with my friend for a few hours after work having some fun in my life but I was not partying and most of the time I would only go if I could take my son with me.
There was times when I would go out of town to help my cousin with her two kids only helping her with her two kids was like have two more of my own because it was pretty much a 24 hour job unless I could sneak out as soon as she got off work but I did not like going there I did not feel safe her husband would try and put his hands down my pants at night and made me very uncomfortable. I was to afraid to tell my mom or my cousin I thought that they would blame me and say it was all my fault. So to try to avoid the situation I would only go help her if she could not find other help.
While my friend and I were going out and having fun we went to the store I stayed in the car while she ran in there was a car next to us with a cute guy in there I had a camera in my hand and pretended to take his picture but to my surprise he started posing for me. That made me feel good a guy that I actually liked had liked me back. Little did I know that he lived just a couple streets away and we ended up talking and messing around but was never brave enough to date each other for some reason. That went on for a few months then we lost touch for some reason.
After about a year I got a boyfriend we met from my friend driving down the street talking to people we seen outside. We went to the movies and just kind of hit it off from there witch for me was good because he spoke English and I did not speak Spanish. We started dating and he worked nights and would call me every night on one of his breaks and would come over and stay with me on his nights off or sometimes I would go stay with him at his place. A couple months into our relationship I got pregnant for the second time at least this relationship seemed to be going well or so I thought one night I could not sleep so I went and got in bed with my grandma and he ended up coming to my house when I was in there and could not find me and assumed that I was out doing something that I should not be doing, broke all the pictures in my room of us.
How can men be what you want or what you think you want and still leave you so confused?
That is just how life is I guess life is to short we need to prepare ourselves but how when we don't even know what we are doing?
So some time had passed I was talking to my friend on the phone and she was asking me if my baby's dad was over for the night I had explained that he was at work and was not over she was like no I went there to see my boyfriend and he was there. Adding to my stress I got right off the phone and called his phone to my surprise no answer so I grab my cousin who was at my house at that time and had him go with me to my boyfriends house. Keeping in mind that I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant. So we walked over there at like ten or eleven at night knocked on the door surprise no answer so I walked around to his bedroom window knocked on it then i heard " Oh shit" yep. So now I go back to the door and get it open and get in he was in his room with another woman that was not me! I started grabbing everything I could reach and throwing it at him pop cans, dresser drawers anything i could get my hands on. The stress at this level is too much I was so hurt and so mad what did I do to deserve this? Times did not get easier after this obviously we broke up. Not long after that I had a ultrasound and I had invited the baby's dad to be there because I thought he should be. I found out that I was having another boy he was excited.
