Sometimes I ask myself what if? What if your not the person you thought you were? And that leads me to think that maybe I'm not an actual friend to people maybe I'm just someone they tolerate. And so now I have to think about what I say and what I do. I have to think about this now because of things past that I couldn't fix or have happen differently. Things I have trouble telling people today because I worry that when I look at their faces I'll see what I fear most a pity and disgust that I can't help but know too well. So what if I had my past to change? What if I was bold enough or strong enough to not care what they think or feel towards me? What if I was different? Maybe then it would be easier to tell people what happened back then that I still remember to this day. Maybe then it would be easier to be myself around others. So what if?
