ive been thinking a lot about the future and reminiscing about the past and since i love rambling that's what im gonna d0
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well so i plan to grow out my hair for the next two years, until the end of (sophomore?) year in high school, and then i'll see if i want to cut off the color or leave it to grow even more. idk. but i do know i wanna grow it out again, but i wanna have it healthier then it was last time. i also don't want it to be too long, though i couldn't care less for the color this time. the natural color, that is. that way i can tuck it into a beanie or something, or a baseball cap. idk. i do know what im gonna wear for senior prom though lol. i know the color scheme, and how i'm gonna do my hair, etc etc. i hope i have a date. actually i don't really know if i do, but i wouldn't ever say that out loud. romantic relationships are scary, but also appealing. not yet though i'm waiting for marriage (props if u get the joke. all u jacksfilms fans out there) but in all seriousness i think i'll wait till i'm 16-17, so like, (sophomore/junior?) year. that's good. for at least an internet relationship, if not an irl one. i kinda want a real one though. i like cuddles. i like the warmth and pressure and smell of someone against me. i also wanna go to pride someday. maybe with those two ppl from israel who're pan/trans. that'd be cool. also with my lgbt friends from ny. i'll probably be too scared to join the gsa in high school though. overall i hope in high school i can develop my artistic skills with animation and design but still have time for music and acting. i wanna be on broadway one day, it's been my dream since... since i was young and i saw a wicked poster and my mom gave me a wicked chopstick my aunt got when she went to see it and i fell in love with the show and it's obc. but then, if all else fails, i guess i'll draw comics or animate or something.
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one of the days i look back most fondly on, ironically, is the day of the SHSAT, if you were here for that.
i got up early. it was really cold, but i wore a light tee, parka and beanie. the same beanie i always wear and love -- you know the one, and if you don't, it's all black and says "NEW YORK" in big silver, glittery letters. it's my favorite. anyways, as we crossed the bridge (which one, i'm not sure), and the sun was rising, say no to this played on my shuffle.
yes, say no to this from hamilton. it was perfect. idk why.
i don't remember the day i got my beanie, but it was back when we lived in israel, i know that. we were on vacation in ny during the winter, and i'd found it in one of those outdoor stands, i believe. we bought it, and i barely ever took it off. even in school in israel i wore it. i sat in the back and refused to take it off. it was warm, a bit too big, and covered my acne nicely. i loved it. i still do, though i haven't worn it since winter. i know that come winter, i'll wear it again, but differently. i know i'll probably tuck my hair in. because i've changed. i'm not who i was. but that's ok. i'll still have the same coat, the same cold starbucks caramel frap, even though it's negative degrees outside. i'll have a different school uniform. i'll have a different bag, and a different personality, and a different gender and sexuality, but i'll still be me.
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yup so this book will probably be short-ish rambles like this from now on
