Breathe |Ch.1|
People always expect so much out of each other that it just makes everything worse . You're expected to accomplish big things and to be perfect. Something not everyone can do, something that forces you to hide who you truly are.
You're left with fake smiles and fake people you don't even know who is real anymore,this society is so messed up that everyone's heads are somewhere else trying to find something that will make them accepted by everyone.
Sometimes the happiest looking people are the most miserable and are dying inside.
I always found a way to make things better for me, but somehow it doesn't work all the time. I feel like my heart is always being torn apart piece by piece . My whole entire life is a lie ....I'm living some stupid 'perfect' life you only see in books or movies . I know what I want and I know who I truly am ... a monster. I'm a monster who picks at people's feelings and plays them like a puppet just how my parents have been doing to me my whole life . I'm honestly done with everything .
The cold air hits my skin as the rain pelts down on me . I sat there in the middle of the park alone and cold. My clothes stuck to my skin and right now I didn't care . My hair was flat and stuck to my face my makeup was probably running and I'm sitting here sobbing over everything bad in my life .
I haven't been the same since the day I found him laying in the middle of his room with blood surrounding his body. He had shot himself the gun was in his hand I still remember that day.
••••
"Jason ? Jason where are you " I called out walking around the halls . I stopped in front of his room and opened the door slowly just incase he was naked.
"Jase? " I whisper I open it all the way and see him there pale and motionless his blood surrounding him like a puddle .
A gun a few feet away from his hand .
"Jason!!"i cry running over and sitting there laying him in my lap his blood covering my hands . "Jason Jase please !"
"You can't leave me no no no ! " I yell "You promised ! "
I sobbed holding him closer . "you promised "
My parents bust in the room only to see what he had done they called the cops while getting me cleaned up after a week or so I got therapy for this traumatic experience as my parents called it.
After about three months I spoke for the first time
"This is all your fault " I snap at my parents "you are both fake as hell and it's your fault my brother is 6ft under the ground "
••••
I gasp for air when my sobs had become uncontrollable . I hugged my body searching for any warmth I had left .
My lips were surely blue and my whole body was pale . Footsteps splashing in water filled the air .I look behind me and see Dez her crazy red hair flopped around getting wet quickly when she saw me she yelled .
"Sam ! oh god we thought you were dead " She cried hugging me I pressed into her body because she was so warm and I was freezing .
"You're ice cold Sam why did you have to come out here in the rain ! "she scolded as we ran back to her car. She sat me in the back with some new clothes and a blanket . I changed into the warm clothes and wrapped myself in the blanket as she turned on the heater.
"Please talk to me. " She begged "Tell me what you feel so I could help you"
"I don't know what to feel anymore. " I say "I honestly don't care if I die "
"Please don't talk like that " She stutters "Don't leave me ...please be strong and just don't "
Her hand covered her mouth as she sobbed . I look at her sadly and climb over the seat into the passenger side and hold her hand .
"I'm sorry" I whisper and she nods and smiles at me before driving down the road
I stare out the window and look at Dez.
"I don't.wanna be Samantha...." I say looking. straightforward "I wanna be Sam the girl who nobody will mess with"
Dez only looked at me and slowly nodded.
I went.through with that actually I made sure nobody messed with me I dressed in darker colors with more cleavage and I would hit anybody who bugged me or picked on me.
And I think it was because I was tired of hearing people talk shit.about my brother.
That day I changed I blocked everybody out nobody and I mean nobody not even people close to me could figure me out.
Nobody is gonna break me down again
