Once upon a time, there lived a young princess named Iris. She lived a wonderful life and had everything she wanted and could ever ask for. She had two lovely sisters, Ceceila and Lilith who were both at the age of ten. Iris also had a loving brother, Jackson, who was only five. They both had a bond that couldn't be broken no matter how much they fought and disagreed, because at the end of the day, they were still brother and sister. Her mother, Queen Isabella and her father, King Ryan both live happily together, as they have been married for over forty years. The family lived in a beautiful castle of ivory and marble granite. Each room supplied with the most luxurious pieces of furniture made by skillful hands of crafters from around the world. The kitchen filled with talented chefs and cooks who could create meals fit for the gods. The family ruled their kingdom with love and compassion and was loved by all. Though everything may have seem perfect, it was not what it seems. Iris, who everyone saw as the perfect princess, perfect soon to be queen, had many complications. Even at a young age, she knew that there was something wrong, but kept it hidden from others afraid that they would be bothered by her. So she kept it all tucked away and made sure that she was what everyone expected her to be. Perfect.
She always thought she wasn't good enough. The voices in her head have always pointed out the wrong in all the rights she's done. The voices made sure that she'd forget the good and always remembered the bad. At night they would feed her nightmares which spoiled her sanity. Yet after all the torture her mind put on her, she still kept her smile. Countless nights of over thinking, it came to the point where she had to pull out the knife. The voices in her head taunted her, threatened her, caused her pain. The only way to shut those voices out was when she focused on the blood spilling from her legs. She knew that if she had cut her hands, her family would be horrified at her for ruining her perfect body. So every night, she grabbed the knife, and hidden under the cover of the night, she cut herself. She cried, knowing how much she hated herself and how she was worthless. She's never live up to her mother's legacy. She couln't be as kind, loving, and caring as her mother, nor could she be as fair, opened minded, and loyal as her father. She wasn't as beautiful and selfless as her sisters, and shou couldn't be the perfect sister than Jackson needed. She just wasn't as good enough. She's never good enough. She will never be good enough.
Good enough.
She hated how lonely she felt. Even with all the people she surrounds herself around. One of the worst feelings she's felt is that when she's in a room full of people and she looks around and see's everyone talking and laughing. Then all of a sudden she feels sad and lonely and she can even feel the physical pain in her chest and hear the voices in her head. It's all because she realizes that everyone belongs to someone and that they belong to them too, and then she doesn't belong. She's just there. Every night, she physically tells herself that it will be alright, she'll make it, she'll be fine. Though the voices always tell her otherwise.
"You're better of dead."
"What's the point in you living?"
"They don't need you." "Why waste your breath, let's just finish we've started."
She's tired. She's tired of lying when they ask if she's ok. She's tired of trying, when she has to put on that fake smile of hers. She's tired. Just tired. She's tired of waking up to the same voices everyday. She's tired of looking at the same imperfect, good for nothing human whenever she looks at the mirror. Every day she has to tell herself, "It's going to be ok," when she knows it's not. She always says "I'm fine." when she really isn't.
Mirror, Mirror on my wall
I just want to be thin, pretty and tall.
Mirror, Mirror, if I change my hair
Maybe someone will start to care?
Mirror, Mirror, if i starve myself,
At least I'll be beautiful, forget my health.
Mirror, Mirror, if I cut my wrist
Will I feel like I exist?
Mirror, Mirror don't you see?
What you show me, is slowly killing me...
She's tired of waiting for something that won't happen. She's tired of wishing for a miracle and only receiving disappointment. She's finally realized that maybe, disappearing wasn't such a bad idea. Those voices were right. She didn't matter. She wasn't needed. She wasn't perfect. What was the point of ignoring those voices? The end was inevitable. So, she took out the note she had written hundreds of time, she took out the knife and cut one last time, watching the blood drip down her useless body. She took out the poison she had hidden under her bed. She looked out into the world one last time, thanking the voices for making her realize that this was reality, not some fairytale. She closed her eyes, falling into a sleep from which true love's kiss couldn't wake.
Her mother called... with no response. She walked into Iris's room only to be greeted with the horrifying sight of her own daughter. Her own flesh and blood, lying lifeless on her bed which was soaked in blood. She held her limp body and cried. The hot tears washing away the dried blood and showing the wounds. Cecelila and Lilith walked in, crushed to see their mother crying. Jackson walked in, confused with all the commotion happening. He notices your wounds and fetches the healer only to be told that her wounds coulnd't be fixed. The King, seeing as to how he never noticed her change in behavior and just walks out.
Years have passed and the kingdom has fallen into despair. Everyone walkes the streets in silence, not disturbing the space of which she should have occupied. Her father beccame cold and distant, blaming himself for not helping, for not noticing how much pain she was in. Her mother fell into depression, crying and toturing herself because now, she lives on knowing that her own daughter died and she never knew why. Was she not the mother she had deserved? Was she too harsh, too unfair? She may never know. Cecelia and Lilith became quiet, no longer smiling. They both tried to end their lives only to fail. Everday, hoping that they can finally see her again. Jackson, now grown, finally understands why she left. He looks back onto the memories he had with her, dying a little bit everytime he thought of her. She was his light, his guide, his best friend. And now, she was gone.
Gone...
So the next time you pick up the razor, the pills, the rope neclace, always remember, we do care. Even if you feel like everyone is against you, there will always be someone out there that will stay by your side no matter what. I know it's hard to wait for something that may never happen, but it's even harder to give up, especially when it's everything you've ever wanted. And I know you may want to kill yourself or hurt yourself because you think it's the only option, but it's not. When someone ends up committing suicide, everyone is there, they feel bad, they say they didn't "see the signs" they talk about how amazing you were and so forth. But if you tell someone you're suicidal, everything is different, no one wants to solve the problem, matter of fact, half of the time they act like it isn't a problem, that they won't ever "do it" that it'll just "go away". They treat it like joke, well let me tell you something, being suicidal isn't a joke, people do consider it as an only option, and treating the problem like it doesn't matter will not get you anywhere, the only place it's going to get you is to a funeral. If someone tells you they're suicidal, don't push them away, instead try to be the one to keep them here. Don't harm yourself tonight, don't commit suicide tonight.
You are beautiful from the inside and out. You have the stregnth to get through tonight. I know you can do this. Remember that I love you and that I care.
E.p
