Letters to Balloon Boy

Mental Hospital.

     Dear crazy girl who wrote this letter,

     +1720-123-4567

      That is the number of the nearest mental hospital. Feel free to sign you, your friend and your family up, you seem like you can use it.

     I've heard the facilities are great and you even get an extra pudding cup if you're really nice.

     Anyway, speaking of stupid things, I have one for you. Did you ever notice how much Newton was sitting around on his butt? When I went home for the weekend out my mum started making a big deal of me sitting around on my ass I told her that Newton did the same thing and became a genius. She told to get my lazy ass moving or else I'll become a genius trying to figure out where my youth went.

     For a crazy friend I have Keith. He is the craziest person I know. When another school came to play a friendly match, he put glue on the bench their cheerleaders were seating on. The match got pretty distracted when the only girls there had only half their skirts on. I wouldn't wish Keith on a girl, even if I really hate her.

     My mum is an okay person, if not for the fact that she's the most embarrassing person in the world. You know that person who during events shouts very obnoxiously for their family member? Well, welcome to my mum ladies and gentlemen. During basketball games, she makes it essential to make sure all her clothes have my team number on it. But she's great because she's never missed a match.

     I go to school at Upperhill Boys Boarding School. It's right next to your school, Hillcrest Girls High School. I just signed the letter to Balloon Girl because I don't really know your name.

     About your mum, just let her be crazy. If the woman wants to collect spoons, let her do it. Crazy parents are the best anyway. Your friend who believes in dragons should be let to dream. The world needs more innocent believing people and less cynical ones. Just get her something amazing.

     If you don't take my advice and get admitted into the mental hospital, I wouldn't mind getting more letters. Do you know the frozen yoghurt store around eighth? My friend Alicia works there. You can give her your letter but she won't tell me who you are and she won't tell you who I am either.

Yours seencerely,
Bond, James Bond. (I'm not calling myself Balloon Boy)

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