Cupcakes and daisies

Chapter 19: Im weak... whats wrong with that?

It has been two weeks.My life is definitely not quite beautiful as some want it to be. I have enrolled in Online school, and keep myself locked in my room.

I don't think I have seen the sun in awhile. Been doing homework and sleeping. My grandma feeds me. They try to talk to me. I just can't do it anymore.

My phone goes off. I groan and pull the blanket over me more" Just go away" I whispered.

Sometimes, I feel like I could die, right now. And I would be just fine. I have felt too lazy to cut and talk to anyone.

" Stevie, babe?" My grandma knocks on the door.

I groaned" Go away please" I say softly into my pillow.

" I, I thought you might want to come and eat with us... tonight?" She says softly.

I glance at the door" I-I don't want too" I says laying on my stomach" Thanks though" I whisper blinking and staring off into the dark.

" Stevie, you have to eat sometime" She demands in a firm tone" Now come out and eat now!" She commands through the door.

I sat up and pulled my hair into a bun and slowly walk to the door. I unlock it and open it slowly" Just tonight" I say softly walking passed her.

She nods and walks behind me. I walk down the hall and into the kitchen. My sister smiles softly" Hi Ste" she says eating.

" Didn't think you were coming" I say softly sitting down on the only chair on one side.

" I said I was coming Stevie" she says touching my hand. I don't care.

" Just thought you were too tired, sorry" I whisper looking at my grandparents and grabbing a roll.

I am not hungry, haven't been. I don't care at all how I look like" Brooks asks where you are" she says softly. Making my heart jump a little.

I huff and sit back and put a piece of bread in my mouth" I don't want him to know, No one cares Gemma" I whisper wanting to go back to my dark room and sulk.

" We care Stevie, we are here for you and we want you to get better" My grandma says touching my hand. Human contact...

I glance at her hand" I don't know how to get better, I just want to die" I say in a emotionless tone.

Gemma looks at me with anger" I don't want you too die, I want you to be my sister, be my best friend, I want you too see my baby" she cries wiping her eyes. I forgot about how she needed me.

I glance at her stomach. Isn't showing yet" I just don't think you want me to be there for you Gem, Im just going to screw things up" I look down into my lap.

" Stevie, we want you here, we want the old Stevie back, we want to see you smile and see you happy again" my grandfather steps in to play.

" I know your mother hasn't had the right mind right now, but we are here for you, we are all here for you" he states strongly.

It's so hard, trying to not let people you love down. But you do it,because it's easier than fighting for happiness.

I stood up" I am going back to bed" I whisper letting tears stream down my face" Thanks, I" I didn't even finish my sentence before I just went back to my room and cried.

Cried because Im hurting people, I love the most, because I don't want to have the motivation to do anything anymore.

******

My phone buzzes on my arm. I wonder who it is... I don't want to look. It could be more mean messages.

It could be Eli. Could be my mom, trying to say sorry. But we both know she doesn't care anymore.

It could be my dad, wanting me to go to therapy. I probably should go to therapy. But right now. I just want to relax, I don't want to think of anything.

My phone buzzes again... and again... again...

I pick up my phone and look at it.

Missed calls from Handsome ass

(15) missed calls...

He won't care, I bet you he won't. I got off my bed and walk into the bathroom. I must stink. I need to take a shower, really bad.

I just don't want to make the effort though. But I have too.

I started up the shower and started to undress. I step in and instantly feel all the grime wash off me. It feels relieving and nice.

I don't think Ill ever smile, at this rate. I'll probably die of depression in a couple of years.

I shave and scrub my body. Just trying to think of ways I can help myself. But nothing comes to mind.

I get out of the shower and get dress in clean clothes, meaning clean undies bra and sweats and a sweater. I brush my hair and pull on socks.

I glanced at my bed, thinking just to stay in here and go back to sleep. But I need to eat.

I walk out of my room and into the kitchen" I am not hungry" I whispered to myself.

I am, I just don't want to be. I grab some cheetos and a coke and start trying to eat something.

I jolt of the doorbell ringing" Seriously?" I whisper rubbing my eyes and walking to the front door. It's freaking 10:30 at night, who is this?

I open the door slowly and sip my soda" Can I hel—"

" What the hell Stevie" he shouts at me" You can just not answer me, I have called over 50 times and texted you more than I can count!" He glares at me, I could see the steam coming out of his ears. Metaphorically speaking.

I kinda missed him" I keep asking Gemma, but she doesn't give me a straight answer, and you don't answer me!" He screams in frustration.

My grandma walks down the hall" Is everything ok?" She asks frantically.

I nod" Yeah, just go back to bed" I say softly looking back up at him. His hazel eyes hold anger and confusion in them.

" Would you like to come in?" I ask softly opening the door more. He calms down and steps inside. This is going to suck.