Big Girls Don't Cry

1.

10 Years Later...

‘”Big girls don’t cry” he said as he kissed my forehead. ‘Happy birthday, Kayla. Uncle Bear loves you.”’

I woke up in a cold sweat. I can’t believe after all these years I still have nightmares about that day. His face haunts me in my sleep, and it doesn’t help that I’ve stopped taking my medicine.

And that voice.

I can’t get it out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I get out of bed and go use the bathroom. After completing my routine, I stare at my reflection.

I look perfectly normal, when I’m anything but. “Another year. Another reminder,” I say to myself.

I smelled what I hope to be my favorite food, so I followed my nose to the kitchen to see my parents lighting candles.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Kay Kay. Happy birthday to you,” my dad and his wife Denise sing over a plate of fresh strawberry pancakes.

I can’t help but to laugh at Denise roll her eyes at my dad. He’s holding the plate like he made them, when we all know he can’t cook to save his life.

“Whipped them up special just for my baby girl’s birthday,” he said laughing while dodging Denise’s hit.

“Thanks, Mom,” I tell her causing my dad’s smile to fade. 

“The shade of it all,” he said dramatically mocking me.

“Eat up, boo. We have appointments at the shop in a little,” Denise told me. “Your Dad’s treat,” she threw in earning a side-eye from my dad.

“Can we go get Ashley?” “Of course. Is that even a question?” she asked, also mocking one of my signature dramatic phrases.

Being a part of this little family makes me so happy. Even though the first few years after the incident were a bit rocky, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Since my own mother didn’t love me properly, I naturally took some of that anger and hatred out on Denise.

But, even though I pushed her away, she loved me unconditionally and treated me no differently than a child she’d birthed herself.

Because of Angela’s actions, I thought that there was no way Denise could really love me.

In my head, I was not capable of loving or being loved. She showed me otherwise with patience and gentleness.

Empathetic to my situation and feelings, so she’d suggested family therapy. She filled that void that my mother left me with and provided me with the love and care I’d been neglected of.

Our therapist, Dr. Barnes helped me to regain enough trust to allow Denise to be the mother figure my mom failed to be and to love me like Angela should’ve.

Better, actually.

When I turned ten, she gave me the gift of becoming my legal mother. Secretly, she had her cousin who works for the FBI track down my mother, who had fled the city shortly after the incident.

Coincidentally, Bear also seemed to disappear from the face of the Earth. My dad had been trying to track the two of them down for years on his own. I’d overheard him having conversations with my mom and their friends about having ‘special plans’ for them.

Denise was only able to track Angela down by contacting her sister, my aunt Tasha. She’d been staying with her for a while, but my aunt kept it on the down low because she knew people were after her sister.

How she was able to hide a monster, the world may never know. I can't wait for Angela to resurface though. I know she will, but hopefully it's sooner than later.