I was scrolling through Tumblr and the comments on my latest video. I haven't slept for the past couple days, instead looking at Tumblr posts. Sense it was Vidcon Tyler and I were sharing a hotel room. Everyone was filming collabs except for me, so I stayed out of their way.
I decided to look at my ask Troye comments for the video I was going to film. But It seemed almost impossible, all of the hate jumping out at me. I couldn’t stop reading them.
Go kill yourself, nobody likes you one read. I read another after another, You fag just die in a hole; Better off without you in the world; You cant even sing you ugly fag. Warm tears flooded over onto my laptop.
I've been on the edge of depression for a while now. But this, this just did it. I ran up to the bathroom across the hall. Locking the door, I fell to the ground. When I finally got enough strength to stand, I pushed myself up and looked in the cabinet to find a razor.
I grabbed it, and took a deep breathe in. Looking in the mirror, and back to my scrawny arms I hesitantly sliced the razor into my arm, breaking the skin. I gasped in pain, seeing the blood poor out of my body down my arms made it even worse.
The pain began to fade, and I jabbed into my arm again. And again. And again. After five cuts I convinced myself that I needed to stop. The voices of the hate comments echoed in my head, but I didn’t cut.
I cleaned off the razor, trying to make it look like I didn’t cut. I slid the razor back into the cabinet and looked into the mirror. I was disappointed in myself, but the emotional pain was gone.
I slid my arm into the sink, washing off my arm with water. But I felt the jabbing into my wrist again, and again, until I could see no more blood and my arm was dry.
I heard a knock at the door. "Troye? Are you in there? I need to use the bathroom too." Tyler said into the door.
"Uh, yeah. Just one second." I yelled back to him
Before I opened the door I tidied up everything in the bathroom, and made sure there were no blood stains. Thank the genies there were none.
I skipped to the door, covering my cuts with my sleeve. I opened the door to the sight of Tyler leaning on the wall looking at his Tumblr. Lucky. I thought, having that big a fan base for him to never think about suicide.
I stepped into the bedroom, and threw some pajamas on. I slammed myself into the bed grabbing my laptop. I looked at all the hate people sent me, and my eyes started burning. A tear escaped me, as I looked up to the sight of Tyler standing there.
So, yeah this is my first fan fiction. How is it? Comment any suggestions for me please. Thanks! :)
