The Imperfect People

Chapter 1

Chapter One

Nathan

There was only ever one time in my entire seventeen years that I had ever attempted to take my own life.  

Sure, I've thought about it before.  Hell, I've come up with over a hundred ways of how to carry out it, but I had never actually done it.  Well, until today that is.

On Sunday's my parents, two older sisters Katie and Leah and younger brother Jason would go to church.   I would be there too, but "I'm not feeling well" and fake stomach cramps.  My mom isn't the type of woman to bring her "sick" son to a packed out Sunday Mass; only to have him groan in pain and gain her seriously unwanted attention.  People would only talk and grimace - no, that wasn't her style.  She likes to think she's prim and proper and her eldest son spreading his germs under The Lord's roof is not her idea of prim and proper.

So off-course, she lets me stay home.  "Nathan," she had said before leaving, "try to get some rest, maybe you'll feel better tomorrow."  Her words were more of a demand.  No sympathy.  And so I lie in bed staring at the ceiling with my fake non-exisistent stomach cramps with the window open.  Which brings me to now.  My almost suicide.  

I had just turned seventeen last week and my mother had thrown me a party.  A stupid party.  A party that I didn't want but that was thrown for me anyway and was, as I had expected - very stupid.  Sadly, my mother liked to think that I was popular at school.

This was so not the case.  

I was under the assumption that she was crazy (I still am) whilst she was under the assumption that I had lots of friends (which she probably still is).  To tell you the truth,  I can count the number of "friends" I have on one hand.  And essentially, none of them even count.  Two of the friends were teachers I got along with at school, the third was my lab partner Jessica who was only my lab partner because she didn't want to be paired up with Sweaty Shelly (this large fat chick who was like the biggest bully at our school), the fourth friend was my cat Henry (who died last September, so like, is he even eligable?) and the fifth was my dad.  Sad, I know,  Anyways, the party arrived.  People in attendance included our family, people we knew from church, a handful of my two sister's overly pretenious group of friends I liked to call the Cruella's and a few neighbors and their kids (all of whcih were still in diapers).  Mom had hired a cateerer and put up banners and balloons and she got a cake with seventeen candles.  I was forced to dress smart and act happy.  I ate the food, I blew out the candles, I made small talk with strangers even though inside I was wishing to be anywhere else on the planet but at that party.

Later that night, my mom knocked on my door whilst I was lying in bed thinking of ways that I could do it - kill myself - and just as my mother came into my room I had ruled out drowing myself as one of them.  No way.  That was too long, too violent.  I wanted it to be quick.  Like a punch to the face.  It happens and it's over.

"Nathan?" my mother chirrped, leaning in the doorway.  I groaned and rolled over with my head on my pillow noting that maybe death via suffocation at that very moment wasn't such a terrible idea.

"What mom?" I replied.  I wasn't in the mood to talk to her, or anybody, I just wanted to be alone.  She entered and sat down on the bed. 

"Enjoy the party?" she asked, not even looking at me.

I smirked.  "Great, mom.  Had a blast."  I said it half sarcastically, half in a I-couldn't-possibly-give-a-shit kind of way.  I rolled over again so that my back was to her face.  I felt movement and she was about to leave when these words left her lips:

"Why didn't you invite any of your friends."

To which I didn't reply.  I wasn't going to make a fool out of myself or out of her.  I just lay there with no answer to give her because I had no such thing to be considered a friend.  She left and closed the door.  My eyes burned violently into the ceiling.  It could have caved in on top of me and I would have accepted it.  Technically though, that wasn't suicide, so it was not an option either.