im upset. really reaaaaally freaking upset. im hurting a lot. everything seems to be getting worse and im hurting the people around me more than im hurting myself. im so, so tired. i wish i could just disappear and forget about everything and every single shitty person on this earth. i have a girlfriend that i talk to like once a week because of me and my stupid fucking health. she doesn't deserve to be stuck with me. i love her much but she deserves so much better. i hate and blame myself for every single horrible thing that's ever happened to me. i deserve it. im a bloody horrible person and i wish i could just end everything right now.
tillie, I can't bring myself to talk to you. and I promise you none of this is your fault. I love you so much but I just can't help but feel like im ruining you. im so sorry. I can't let you see me like this. I can't keep worrying you to the point where you feel like it's all on you. I promise you it isn't. people just suck. sick assholes from my past are coming back and I wish I could tell you about everything thats going on right now and im so so sorry but I can't.
I didn't write this for sympathy, I just can't bring myself to message anyone and talk to them about how horrible and disgusting and upset im feeling. it hurts. im sorry
