This was the most expensive restaurant I could afford
I was never good with money, she always said I was unstable,
But anything she ever really needed she always got from me
Sacrificing my own happiness and self worth whenever I was able.
The meal had concluded with glasses of the house wine
A two year old merlot, and a chardonay on her side,
I suppose by my face expression she knew I had something to say
She could always read me wel, no matter how hard I tried to hide.
I was dreading this conversation for years literally
We began so wonderfully, but then again so does everything it seems,
Where you can't wait for them to come home from work
And it's only their faces brightening your dreams.
She placed her hand on mine biting her lip
As if to say "Go ahead I'll try to understand",
I personally hated this small gesture of inner guilt trip
Made me feel even less of a man.
After a pause in my mind I took a deep breath
And began the words that would surely end it all,
Years of waiting, years of lost promises
The stinging cuts after the both of us fall.
"Despite what you may believe I am a different man now
No longer can I bite my tongue and pretend,
I think we both knew but never wanted to ever face the fact
That the two of us were slowly coming towards an end.
I've absorbed more than my fair share of pain
And tolerated more than any man let alone a human being ever should,
Stress induced headaches, night after night of insomnia
To stay after all this I think I'm the only man that ever would".
She stared at me with almost disbelief
A look of how I could be so cruel and heartless to say,
A public setting so there wouldn't be a scene ala Jerry Maguire
I couldn't save this conversation for yet any other day.
"We have made so many empty promises and dreams for our lives
And my energy for you has become as stale as the bread on this plate,
And the biggest most frustrating thing is the time spent so far gone now
Years of my life on such a waste.
You wanted brutal honesty, how does your bed feel at night?
Mine's as empty as the love I feel for you right at this second of time,
And I'm about colder than I have ever been due to lack of warm from you
And yes this conversation will later convert into a poetic rhyme."
By this time the staff was putting the chairs up on the tables
Closing out tips for the night,
Bartender calling for last call for alcohol
A pale skin moon illumating the street glow night.
"So I am not blaming you completely for anything mind you
I know I am no where near where I want to be,
But don't deserve a string of wishes and unhappiness
And it's quite clear you don't and maybe never did deserve me.
I wish you only the best, but to be honest this is easy to say
Because I don't see a future beyond this table,
And yes your right, and unlike you I can admit to being human
I am crazy, impulsive, insensitive, and unstable."
The tears fell like broken glass from a stable family frame
Splashing into the wood grain,
And with no change in my facial expression I walked out the door
Into the trash litered streets and oil stains.
Hoodie up and iPod on full blast I thought
Year after year, the same thing over and over I've endured more than any man ever should,
Shadow on my back, and thoughts running through my mind
At least the food was good.
