I had no idea he was going to find out about it. I thought maybe some secrets were best left kept, but not this one. This one may have saved me.
Our eyes locked multiple times during rehearsals. It wasn't abnormal for any of us to look at each other and lock eyes, but this was different. Both of us were longing for each other's presence. Why he was longing for mine though, I had no idea.
All four of us were there for eight to ten hours. Our eyes were drooping and our throats were sore. I could feel the flesh on my cheeks heating up as his hand brushed mine while we were walking out. "Is Mikey blushing?" Luke teased. My cheeks heated up even more. I put my head down to hide it, but that didn't stop the three from giving me shit about it. Even Calum, the one who had me blushing in the first place, had a few jokes of his own. They were assuming it was a girl that I started thinking about. I sighed and rolled my eyes playfully in attempt to hide my crazed thoughts. If only they knew.
When Calum and I got back to the apartment, we exchanged that same longing look as before. This time I wanted to take action. I grabbed his hands and pulled him close to me. "What are you staring at?" I asked him.
"I know you have feelings for me," he replied softly. My heart fluttered as I began to bite my lip from both excitement and nervousness. "But..." He pulled back and released his hands from my grip. "Mikey, you know I'm straight."
"Then why did you keep staring at me during rehearsal?"
"I was urgent to talk to you." An idea came to mind immediately that I knew would work; I wasn't giving up this easily. I came closer to him again and grabbed onto his waist. "What are you doing?"
"Have you ever kissed a boy?" Calum shook his head. I began to lean closer to him, pressing our foreheads together. "We can do it now if you'd like."
"Mikey..."
"If you get uncomfortable, we can stop. We'll pretend like nothing ever happened and go back to normal." My lips were so close to his that I could feel his breath and almost taste the spearmint from the gum he'd been chewing half an hour ago. "Do you want to do this?"
He nodded nervously. With that, I pressed my lips to his and closed the gap between us. I could feel him kiss back just seconds later, but it felt as if he were forcing himself to kiss me. "I don't think you know how long I waited for you to tell me you love me, but..." My voice trailed off as I pulled away and looked down. A part of me knew he was only kissing back so that it wasn't awkward.
"Tell me." I stared up at him. "How much do you love me, anyway?"
"Remember that girl I slept with last summer that made you guys suspicious since I don't really sleep around much?" Calum nodded. "I thought I was in love with her until I realized that she just reminded me of you." Chills went down my spine and all throughout my body at the memory of her. "And the nights I've been crying myself to sleep were because I knew that I was fooling myself, thinking you would actually care about me as anything more than a friend. I knew I should have been grateful for at least that, but I couldn't help it." I bit my lip to fight back the tears I knew were coming. "I fell in love, and I don't think I can stop it."
"I..."
"Save it. I know I sound like a fool right now, and I know I'm just hurting you by talking about it. Just leave it be." One of the tears I was fighting back fell down my cheek.
"I love you, Michael. I just don't want to wake up." There was a silence. He hadn't called me by my real name in a long time. "I don't want to kiss you and love you and be with you if it's all just in my imagination. I don't want to keep pretending that I mean just as much to you as you mean to me when I know that my significance in your life is nothing compared to your significance in mine."
"Is that why you didn't want to kiss back?"
"Yes." He grabbed my hands and bit his lip. "I don't want to open my eyes to a dark and empty room without you again."
"Well you didn't wake up when I kissed you," I pointed out. A smile spread across his face. "Just kiss me already." He obeyed and crashed our lips together. It was sweet but passionate. He released his grip on my hands and ran them through my hair during the kiss. It was relaxing and beautiful, greater than anything I could have possibly imagined. "It's real."
"I love you, Mikey," he whispered.
"I love you too, Calum." I kissed him again with more passion. Calum loved me, and I loved him too. I was never going to lose that again.
