So this chapter is basically my deep apology to you, Nadine. Also consider this a reverse birthday present. To everyone else reading this - I'm terribly sorry for the delay, but I hit a bit of a roadblock, with other stuff as well, but I went to the beach again and nearly drowned myself in the water and naturally got inspired to write this again lol. Thank you so much for sticking with it, I promise it won't take so long again.
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t w e n t y - o n e
"So, Eve. This is new."
I'm hovering uncertainly on Dr. Lemaiy's doorstep. He's sitting at his desk, smiling at me. Sure this is new. I try not to come here voluntarily, but I am confused, for the first time in a long time, and confusion festers in me and makes me sick. I know what Mikaela will say. I know that Ruth and Emile will hand me a glass of lemon water and feed me that gross Safi cleanser and say that my toxins are fucking me up, only they won't say 'fucking you up' they'll say 'clogging your chakras. Clear your mind, Eve, clear your mind.'
Only Dr. Lemaiy can give me the psychoanalytic bullshit that I need. So here I am.
I don't know what to say to 'So, Eve, this is new', so I don't say anything and I go sit down in front of him. He doesn't take me to the long couch like he normally does. He folds his hands under his chin and looks at me. And he doesn't say anything either. He keeps looking at me, his mouth twitched up slightly, his eyes emotionless, his grey hairs silver from the sunlight, and he keeps looking at me. I look back at him but I can't. I am uncomfortable. I look away, to the quill on the inkstand that he never uses.
"Stop," I mutter, so soft he probably can't hear it.
I look back at him and he's still looking at me.
"Stop it!"
My nails dig into my palms. He stops. I breathe. I look at the chipped corner of the desk. He waits. He waits for two hundred and twenty two seconds, till I breathe normally and the words form in my head. I say it.
"I know a man," I say.
"The guitarist."
I don't know how he knows this but I decide not to ask him.
"Yes."
"What about this young man?"
"I had sex with him last night."
"Congratulations."
"I don't mean it like that."
He rolls his eyes. "I know, Evianna. I see you still have to hone your radar for jokes."
"I don't come here to joke."
"I understand."
I swallow something bitter and continue.
"I hated it. I liked it. He hated it. Afterwards, anyway."
Dr. Lemaiy is looking at me, but not like how he was before. And then I say the words that Ruth and Emile would blame my toxins on.
"He's blind."
Dr. Lemaiy nods like he's seen the secrets of the universe. Did you know that there's a theory that says that once the purpose of the universe and life in general is discovered by someone, the universe replaces itself with something more bizarre? And there's another theory that says that this has already happened. I can see Dr. Lemaiy's universe going crazy around him. Stupid bastard.
"Evianna...."
"I don't know."
He takes off his glasses and polishes them on his shirt, looking out of the window.
