Can I Survive (Slowly writing)

Chapter Five

Sorry for the late update I just got a huge inspiration (the quote lol) but this chapter is going to be mostly Kara's thoughts and feeling and next chapter will be BIG NEWS! Guess who's coming to visit? ;)

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'Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.'

-Buddha

I remembered reading that quote in a book I once read and it reminded me of my feelings towards my mom. That horrible, self-centered, lousy excuse of a mother. Why should I be mad at her when I'm making myself suffer because of her actions? I shouldn't. And I've come to realize that over the past month at this institution. Being locked up in a room for twelve of the twenty-four hours in a day gives you a lot of time to think.

I remember when I was little, running around in my backyard screaming for my dad to catch me and mom yelling at us to be careful. Everything was picture perfect and then dad got his job. He left for Cali and mom couldn't support three kids alone. So, instead of asking for help like a normal parent she turned to heroine. Claimed "It gets my mind off of everything. I get that moment of, I can do anything, and I love it."

Little did I know at that age she was right. Drugs got your mind off of everything. It gave you the little time you had on your high to feel free, like you were on cloud nine. Not that I would know personally because drugs are bad. Hugs not Drugs kids.

But in all seriousness I couldn't figure out why my mom would do all of this to me. Why should would harm her own child, even if she was high. And because I couldn't figure it out I chose to stop hating her for something I didn't know why she did.

But then I had to figure out why dad was my best friend one minute and hating me the next. Sure I got a tattoo and a piercing? Like I could have turned into a prostitute or something. Why did he flip out like that? Would I have ruined his reputation?

I don't care. After I get out of here I'm going to rent an apartment and get a job, make a life for myself. So that I can tell me dad that I didn't need him to survive.

Ashley, my wonderful little sister involved in a hit and run, I wonder how she's doing. No one kept me posted like they promised. No one ever told me if she died or if she survived. And I hate it. Not knowing whether your sister is alive or dead. Not knowing if I'll ever talk to her again or get to see her smiling face. Sure we had our moments but she was more than my sister, she was my best friend and I couldn't stand to loose her.

So when a nurse showed up in my room during one of our little 'breaks' and told my that my father just called and said that my sister had passed away I lost myself completely. I knew there was nothing I could do but she was so young, she didn't know that darkness that lurked in the world. She didn't get a chance to grow up, have kids, and see the world the way it actually is. And it killed me. But when the nurse told me I would miss her funeral I lost it.

I woke up, what I assume was a few hours later, in a white padded room with foam blocks on my hands and a sore ass. I knew what I did and I wasn't ashamed. I just lost my sister and they couldn't even let me go to her funeral? I don't fucking think so.

So like a light switch, the burning flame that was buried deep within my core erupted. It burned through my veins. Through my entire body before I lunged at her. I needed to feel someone's bones crack beneath my fists. Watch them bleed and cry because that's how I felt on the inside. I felt like someone was tearing apart my heart. Throwing it on the ground and stomping on it. And it hurt.

But now here I am in this damn room with a bruise on my ass the size of a baseball, wondering when in the hell I'm coming out. I've tried screaming for someone to let me out but no one has come or even come across the intercom telling me they're here. And it really sucks when you have to pee.

I've tried yelling, saying I'll piss on the damn floor but it's useless because with these blocks on my hands because I cant get my pants off anyways.

Time went on, feeling like days but it was only a few minutes before I heard a few clicks and a door opened. I didn't even notice that before. A male nurse, tall and very handsome, probably around 20, walked into the room with a try in his hands and sat it down next to me. All I could do was stare at him. There's never been a male nurse before? After he sat the try down next to me he turned around and walk to the door, stopping before he opened it and looked at me with pity in his eyes. As he opened the door I remembered what was so important for them to come in for.

"Wait I have to fucking pee!" Was all I said before he let a chuckle come deep within his chest and motioned his hand for me to follow him.

As I walked out of the room he shut the door and started walking down the hall, checking every few seconds to make sure I was still following him. We walked in silence for a few minutes, hearing the screams of the other whack-jobs locked up in this place, until he came to a stop and help out his hands. What the hell does he want?

"Your hands? I need to take those off of you." Oh yea. So I pushed my hands up and he proceeded to remove the foam blocks off of my hands and opened the door to the bathroom, allowing me to go in by myself for once.

I did my business, washed my hands, and splashed water on my face before I opened the the door and walked out. He was sitting a chair across the hall with one foam block on his hand. Swinging it around like a child.

With a smirk on my face I said. "I'm starting to think you need locked up I here to"

He slowly looked up at me and removed the block from his hand, before tossing them into a basket. "That was not nice there Kara." We both laughed and started walking down the hall way.

"So what's your name, I don't want to have to call you nurse all the time, I'd think you were a women."

"My names Jasper and just so you know I'll be your nurse from now on." After he finished he looked at me and winked. How do I feel about this? Having my own personal nurse is one thing but having a very attractive male nurse all to myself, now this could be a challenge.

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Yay for long chapters!

I tried to make up for all of the updates I've missed by making this chapter as long as possible. I'm on home and hospital for a while so I'll try to post one every day or every other day for awhile until I get caught up.

If you see any spelling or grammar errors please just comment an tell me where they are, I didn't have time to reread and correct them all.

Also, the next chapter will be very interesting! ;) someone is coming to visit Kara.

Oh and in one I the upcoming chapters I may have a sexual scene between Kara and someone (not telling you who) but I'm not good with writing them. So, if you want a sexual Rated R scene I want one of you to write it and message it to me or comment. If I find one I like I will put it in the book and if I publish the series your chapter will be in the book and so will your name! You will get credit for the chapter and your name will be on the front of the book as an author. Yay!

If you want to write one just put a * in where you would want his name to be and I'll add it when I pre read it.

My kik is @/bridgetyaegerr

And my twitter is @/ BridgetLynnn

If you want sent it via kik or twitter.

Yes, some of the things in this book are my personal experience, this is the ugly truth of mental hospitals and I hope none of you end up in one.

Thank you for reading!

And Happy Easter! 🐰

(Happy 4/20 😉)