Our Heavy Hearts (Benedict Cumberbatch fanfic)

Heavier And Heavier

"Mama?" The door slightly opens with Charlie peeking in, "May I have a glass of water?"

I wake up and so does Benedict. Charlie becomes bewildered at the sight of me and Benedict in the same bed unclothed. I immediately pull up the covers and say, "Alright, I'll be out soon."

Charlie leaves, "Okay, mama."

After he is gone, I get up, slip on a pair of underwear and a tee shirt, then come to the kitchen.

Charlie stands there with a glass in his hand and asks when I take it, "Why were you and daddy naked in bed?"

"For fun." I turn on the faucet to fill the glass and he asks again, "What were the moaning noises and loud banging sounds on the walls?"

"I have no clue." I hand Charlie the half empty glass and he sips away, "Why are you up so late?"

"Because the commotion distracted me." he says and I'm surprise he knew the word commotion. "After your water, you go straight back to bed. Understand?"

"Okay." He finishes his drink, "Goodnight, mama." and walks back into his room.

I go back into my bedroom to Benedict smoking. I could see the puffs of vapor elevate up into the air vent in the dark atmosphere only lighted by the streets outside. "Do you mind if I smoke?"

"No. Smoke all you want." I accede, "You're already doing it."

I descend into my pillow facing Benedict and observe him smoke. I notice his much developed muscles and compliment, "You've gained a lot of muscle since the last time I saw you."

"And you've gotten a lot skinnier since the last time I saw you." He says staring into the ceiling, "I'm afraid I crushed your bones tonight."

"You didn't." I close my eyes tight. He did crush me. But behind the pain, it felt good. "Charlie heard us, by the way."

"Really? What did he hear?"

"Everything." A flash of embarrassment spreads my face.

"It's fine, he doesn't know yet."

I lay there for a while admiring him. After a couple minutes, I sigh out, "I don't deserve you either. I don't deserve such a mature, wise, and handsome man like you." as he exhales more smoke. He turns to me, "We don't deserve each other."

"And is that why God doesn't approve of our love? Because we don't deserve each other?"

"Probably." He considers then asks, "Do you remember when we first met?"

"Yes." I think back to the day when I first met him when he was teaching at my school.

"Do you get that feeling were you want something so bad you you can't have it, you don't deserve it. I get it. I don't deserve you. I can't have you. And that infuriates me, but it's the truth. An older man taking the virginity and innocence from a young girl is preposterous."

"Well I'm not that young girl anymore." I make clear and Benedict finishes his cigarette, "I know you're not. But I still can't get over what I put you through. It'll remain a burden in my heart."

"Our love is a burden." I bury half of my face into my soft fluffy pillow ready to fall asleep but Benedict starts to nip my neck keeping me wide awake. "No. We just have heavy hearts and we're not strong enough to carry them." He continues to kiss my neck area until I fall sound asleep between him and my pillow.

The next morning, we had breakfast. It was nothing, just cereal. Me and Benedict remained silent to each other but Charlie was chatting away to his captive duckling, Richard. I had got up to check the mailbox in the apartment lobby but when I opened the door, Richard hopped off the table and waddled vastly out the door. In an instant, Charlie started to cry.

"Richard left me." Charlie whined into his little hands that covered his face as tears escaped his face and dripped from his palm. Me and Benedict rush to his side to comfort him, "Oh Charlie, this wasn't his place to be."

"Yes it was! He was my baby!" He cries out and I rub his back, "He was a duck's baby."

"Why don't we go get your bike?" suggests Benedict and Charlie looks up, "It can be your favorite color."

"My favorite color is green. Like my eyes."

"And so will your bike." he says and Charlie's face lights up with a smile. Benedict grabs his jacket and Charlie's. Opening the door he says, "Come along, Charlie. Your bike awaits."

"Yay!" Charlie runs to get his coat and waves to me, "Goodbye, mama." and so does Benedict.

I wave back, "Goodbye, Charlie. Goodbye, Benedict." and they leave.

Benedict's Point of View

We get to a sports store and head over to the bike isles. "Alright, pick any one you want." I point down the children's section and Charlie is quick to decide. "Ooh I want that green one with the red stripe."

"Okay." I agree and call an employee to get it down for us. After I buy the small bike, I take Charlie and the bike to a empty parking lot to practice.

Charlie gets on and I say, "So now that you have your feet on the pedals, you use your good leg to start pedaling. Once you got one foot to pedal, quickly pedal your other. You have to balance yourself." and he does what I say.

"Good good, you're getting the hang of it." I promote, "Now try the brakes." He does so and the brakes work smoothly. Charlie is really good being that he's a first timer. I couldn't even keep my balance on my second week.

He practices for a while around the lot and soon he basically mastered bicycling. He circles around orange traffic cones that I assembled and asks, "Daddy? Do you love mama?"

"Yes of course I do."

"Then why don't you marry her?"

"I can't, Charlie."

"Why?"

"Because to love someone doesn't mean you have to marry them." I say and Charlie nods. "When did you meet mama?"

"A long long time ago before you were born."

"How old was she?"

"Very young."

"How old were you?"

"Old. And I still am." I look down at the pavement below me. A family of ladybugs crawl around.

"How old is she now?"

"Still very young." I hope his string of questions are over but they're not. "Why are you so old and she's so young?"

"Because we love each other and that's what matters most." I say and glance at my watch, "It's about time to go home."