Love in 1865

Chapter Four

I woke up with a slight headache to the darkness of the backroom where the tailor was no longer present. As I sat up, I found a thick blanket that had kept me warm during my slumber. I folded the blanket and opened the drapes to let the light in. "I see that you came here and worked all night. I saw my reflection on the floors, and I was impressed. What made you come here and stay the night?" "My apologies, Mr. Ambrose, I had just come to accept your offer, but you were asleep, and I wasn't about to go home by myself at the hour I found you. My apologies for the intrusion." Mr. Ambrose tipped my chin up and asked, "I know I said I wanted you to think, but why so sudden in the night? Are you hurt?" I took a deep breath as my eyes watered. "Home is no longer the place where my heart lies, Mr. Ambrose." "Do just call me Cassian, friend! There is no need to apologize when you worked your night's stay. So, how would you like to be payed? I am willing to offer money, room and board, or whatever you want or need." I smiled as I noticed the book from last night still laying on the couch. "I would like room and board for safer travels, as well as to learn to read again- if that's not a bother to you." "I could teach you that for free! Reading is a skill of charm and grace that many dabble, but few cherish. I will provide you with what you ask as well as an equal pay, deal?" We shook hands, and Cassian had me sign my name on a contract after he wrote down the terms and pay. He took me on a tour of the building, which had many more rooms than I thought. There were four floors, not including the attic or basement- with several unique rooms. We left soon after to my parent's home to get my things by horse and carriage. While we were riding, Cassian struggled with my accurate directions and grew frustrated, so to prove a point that I couldn't handle the power of specially bred horses, he gave me the reigns. I didn't know a single command, but with a slight slap of the reigns they began to trot down the dirt and cobble streets. The closer we got to my parent's house, the fewer amount of scowls I received from the men we passed. "So, not only do I know my way around, but the horses are gentle with me!" Teasingly, Cassian stuck out his tongue at me and replied, "Then why didn't you ride a horse to the library last night huh?" I instantly remembered my father's face and my mother's worry as I lost humor. Cassian hardly even took a look at my face to catch a glimpse of my concern. Inside, my mother met Cassian warmly. She had just put a pie in the oven, and offered to help me with my packing. I didn't have many of my own things; they all had an essence of Adalaine to them.

My room had always been simple. It was painted light blue and had plain oak wood furniture; the curtains were green and match the quilt and pillowcase on my bed. I spent most of my days here as a teenager hiding in the shadow of my sister. Addy used to always be inside until she met Paul for the first time, and since their meets, I spent less and less time outside in hopes that if I stayed close to where she did, we could be together longer. But like any of my other attempts to stay close with her, they failed miserably. Since I was moving out, I didn't want to bring my sister's things with me. It was already bad enough that this place felt like a haunting site- however, it wasn't just ghosts that did the haunting.

My mother watched me from a distance as I avoided Adalaine's things. She sat at the edge of my bed and helped me fold any clothes or blankets I chose to pack. "You and your sister were always so stubborn, no amount of time has caused either of you to be lax. I remember when your sister was packing to move in with Lord Paul: she did nothing but talk and complain about your father's excessive concern about her new husband. Your father had every right to be concerned when it comes to that young man, but he has since seemed to change his mind a little. I always wanted you girls to find a wonderful husband like your father was for me, but your sister was a princess, and she wanted to be a queen: like a lion cub to be a dominant lion king. You, Gwyneira, you will always be a lamb, and I don't need any assurance that you will do great things someday."

In my closet, I found my sister's diary. She was always very adamant about writing things down, and there was rarely a moment that she was living her own life. That's how she kind of became a nobody, she didn't experience much unless we dragged her there first. Among the other items of hers in my closet was her broken music box. Father bought it for her when she was first pregnant with the boys, and she loved playing it often. It was a simple wooden chest painted purple with flowers and signed with large cursive letters. Opening the box, the music began to chime, and the wooden rabbits began to hop. "This is a tune worthy of lyrics," she would've said if she were here. She didn't believe in lonely things, to her everything had another half, unless it already was a pair. "Many times before, I heard the chiming of this melody, but never have I heard it alone. Adalaine couldn't sleep without singing to the same music in the same notes, and now she's gone without her song. No measure of understanding will cure my endless thoughts, and no power beyond me will change the way this world was brought. Still I wonder how things could have been if I had been there for her more, and if only then she had survived, all this would have been resolved. But now I'm done, I am moving on, whatever that means, I must think upon, and my message here is that surely I may become strong." I gave Mother the box. "Lamb, you have always been strong; becoming more strong will not save you. I know that there is a lot of injustice, but you need to be fearless and put your heart completely into your decisions." I shut my luggage and sat on the bed beside her. "My options are completely moving away from what I knew and shoving myself into everything I already am. Being strong is all I can do. I am sick of always being second place and a rebound for when my sister fails." She put a hand on my shoulder and sighed. "My child, you only say that because you haven't truly mourned her. Grieving is important in order to get better. As for Paul, we both know he can't raise the boys alone, so he's kind of desperate for someone who can help him. This isn't what you want to hear though. I can tell that you've already made your mind. If this is truly it, Gwyneira, then allow me to walk with you to the door." I carried my luggage and put in on the floorboard of the carriage. Mother held me tight with no intention of letting go, but I was too excited about my newfound freedom to stay. As we rode away, I watched the tears on my mother's face as she became further and further away.