Empty Heart

Entry one

My name is Vivi Sen Voltarice. I'm 17, my birthdays may 2nd, and I'm obsessed with the paranormal.
Let's start back when my life seemed to just begin, 9th grade.

I was always socially awkward and never had many friends or really any up until middle school. I've always had a hard time being involved with big groups and projects. I'm in the K&E program which means knowledge and employability. It's usually a smaller class where it's less overwhelming and you could easily focus on your work. But that doesn't mean don't ask for help.
I'm that type of girl who needs to be actually told and showed to do something step by step before i can do anything on my own. I won two metals from 8th grade for math and science so i thought high school K&E would be no different. In 9th grade it was still a small class, but because i thought of myself to be a super smart genius i never asked for help. I never got projects done and stressed over the smallest things. I stopped going to school and my attendance was terrible because of it. The only good thing about 9th grade was my new friends. I had my one friend from 3rd grade in my computers class. I started hanging out with this group of boys some thought as friends, 2 thought as brothers, and 1 thought as a crush. I eventually ended up dating my crush thanks to my brothers. But since then we've been off and on and eventually one of my brotherly friends moved away in 10th or 11th grade. I had such a hard time trying to understand why me and my crush couldn't stay together. We have it another shot but eventually through the summer he broke up with me. I never cried over a boy before he was my 4th boyfriend I've ever had. Any i really did love him. I kinda still do. See, the thing is if two socially awkward people get together the relationship won't ever last. That's what i realized so I'm not going back with him for that reason cause i know it won't work out.
Through out the last three years I've made many friends, joined some clubs, and even improved my attendance. I'm now going into grade 12 and me and my 3rd grade friend don't talk much at all anymore since she transferred. However i have some really close friends now that i plan to never let go of.
Kate Pierce, my girly yet dark like friend that i easily could fall in love with if i wasn't straight. Nielsen Previns, a guy i had a small crush on in 9th grade, he's been my close friend ever since then even if he is madly in love with me. And finally Tidan grospher, the youngest out of us three, he's actually dating my younger sister, me and Kate basically act like his lesbian moms so he's fun to have around. I was close to a lot of other people but not as close as i am to those three. Not long ago my friend Kate stop snapchatting and she always snap chats. Or at least looks at mine. I got so worried that after months of not crying i burst into tears and start panicking. My mother gave me a ride to her house to make sure she was okay. As it turns out she was just grounded from social media. "I REGRET NOTHING!!!"
Anyway, now that I'm writing about things that happened this current summer let me tell you more. I got my wisdom teeth pulled! I am terrified of needles so i was scared of the ivy. (But don't they use laughing gas?) no, not where i live. But honestly it was too bad i think. I was drugged for that whole day so i don't remember much.

Now on to what I'm becoming.

I came across all these videos on YouTube about ouija boards and abandoned/haunted places. The first ones i really got into was the 3 am challenges. I couldn't sleep for 3 like days after binge watching all that! I was scared on being possessed or having someone i know being possessed. But eventually, pretty quickly, i got over those fears and decided after a long while I'd watch some horror movies. Those quickly got boring as the freaky videos got boring. I felt empty with out the thrill and adrenaline. I was driving myself crazy. My mom said i am never aloud to have a ouija board in our house. So it was pointless to ask to get one. I knew the risks, i knew what could happen, but i wanted to experience the paranormal for myself. So i made a ouija board and contacted a dead friend of mine that passed in 10th grade. Rest in peace...
See only because i unfriended her on Facebook like a day or two before she pass i always felt like it might've been my fault. So when i made the ouija board i decided to contact her, i also had a penny on the board to keep evil spirits away. Let's just say she didn't blame me and is excepting her fate. However she told me to never use a ouija board again, that it was a sin, that I'd be in danger. Frankly, i didn't really listen.
After destroying that board i did nothing that involved the paranormal. Until, once again i got board and restless. So i made another one and i decided to reach out to zozo. I did.
Q-do you think you are a bad spirit?
A-yes.
Q-do you have bad intentions towards me?
A-no.
Q-are you gonna hurt me?
A-no.
Q-why?
A-g-o-d.
As it turns out my prayers before hand actually done something. I used to always pray for protection and for everything to get better for our family especially for my mom. So it apparently made it so zozo couldn't do anything to me even if he wanted to. I was surprised.