A Challenge.

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You go to a restaurant and order their dessert special after lying to your friends that you're on a diet. After almost finishing the dessert you get chest pains and pass out. You wake up at Hell's gate. You think it must be a mistake until the devil says "welcome, I've been expecting you"

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"You've been what?" I asked, looking shocked.

"Expecting you," he cheerfully said.

"Is that an abbreviation?" I enquired, "Or it's supposed to be the title of a movie."

He said nothing but stared at me.

This can't be seriously happening to me. There must be a mistake, somewhere.

"Are you saying you are better than those here?" He asked after showing the smirk on his face.

All my life, I have been told stories about the devil but never have I been told he was handsome. He had no horns, horrible teeth or bad breath. And he seemed like a nice person; if I hadn't seen the big board indicating hell and this whole place being dark, I would've almost thought I was in Paradise instead.

He chuckled and sat in front of me. "Yeah, I do look handsome. I was the angel with the most beautiful voice. Until...arh, you know the rest. Here could be your Paradise: only if you find pleasure in pain," he told as he winked.

He couldn't be talking about...could he?

"By the way, how the hell did you know what I was thinking about?" I barked.

He again chuckled and confessed, "Yes we are in Hell and that's exactly where you'd be until I don't know when: which honestly sounds like eternity to me. And hey, I might not be the master but I'm still the head of this territory and so I know what goes on here and in everybody's mind."

"I'm glad you know your position," I stated.

"And no, you are not better than anyone here. You see, the thing is you are a sinner just as anyone here," he tried to reason.

"No, that is where you are wrong. I don't know what sin I have committed that could possibly bring me here," I defended.

"If you've forgotten about the past, I don't think you have forgotten about the pie you took today."

"The dessert? Oh, of course who would? They are too sweet to forget," I said with a smile.

"I'm glad we are getting somewhere. You remember the pie and cookies, which is good. You told your friends you were on diet. You lied and deceived them," he explained.

"Lied? I'm here because I lied and deceived my friends? Tchw, more like deceived myself. You got to be kidding me, right?" I asked, totally confused.

"Sometimes you guys do things; even I can't seem to understand. People do things that please me while others do things that annoy me," he confessed.

"Exactly, it's stupid. I just lied and I'm here. What about those who kill? Do they have a different place in hell?"

"Nope, you are all here, " he answered.

Idiot, he even uses the terms we use on earth.

"I heard that. And why wouldn't I use them if you guys keep using them. It's so annoying watching you guys sometimes."

"OK, fine. But can't you help me go into Heaven?" I hopefully enquired.

He laughed and explained, "I was damn right when I said you belonged here. What you need is a position here and even more sweetheart."

"No, don't call me that. I'm not supposed to be here."

"There's WiFi here: I know how you complained about your school's Wi-Fi being slow. Here is faster than you think. I know how you enjoy taking your bathe. The rivers here are many and flows more than the lies you told everyday while you were on earth. I know the type of songs you liked to listen to. I hope it hasn't changed; because you can listen to them always, here."

"Excuse me..." He stopped me before I could continue.

"You love to read, that's nice. You wouldn't have to complain about what to wear and how to wash and dry them when you wear them,"

"It is because there are no clothes to change into. Stop talking rubbish and take me to Heaven because I can't stand being here," I emphasized.

"Ever since you had that dance when you turned sixteen, I have been waiting for you dear. Now tell me why in hell, would I let you leave?"

"Because I'm a child of God," I simply answered.

"Then why didn't you do what a child of God is supposed to do? You never obeyed all the ten commandments. My favorite part is, you keep lusting over that actor; who is even married and has six kids, with different mothers."

"Well, it is because some of them were difficult to obey. How am I not to lust over him when he has a body like that? God created us in His own image, right? And he really created that actor you were talking about. Don't you find him attractive?"

"No, I'm straight. Men don't attract me. I like only women and to be specific, I like you."

"Too bad. You missed this time because I don't like you."

"And who said I care? I didn't care years ago, how much more now?"

"Well I do care because I don't belong here," I barked.

"OK, you want Heaven, right?" He asked "then you will find yourself there. I'll take you to the entrance because I can't enter; there's too much light," He angrily shouted.

"You are letting me go. Oh, you are not that bad."

"Let's go before I change my mind."

I walk behind him closely until he stopped.

"Here, your guardian Angel will come for you. I wish you all the best," he sadly wished.

"But honestly, why did you let me go?"

"I wanted you here because I wanted you for a wife. And God didn't want that, but he allowed you to come to me first. I did everything to convince you but it seems God won...again. He always wins even without putting up a fight," he announced.

"Thanks. Before I go, I want to ask if there's WiFi in heaven too and how fast it works. Are there books to read?"

He smiled and said, "You'll find out when you get there."

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