We moved. A few cities away. To a new school and a new home. New beginnings maybe? New nightmares maybe?
We went from an apartment to a trailer park. The trailer park that was known for flooding and drug addicts. The trailers were not well kept. They let anyone and everyone move in (hence why my parents for the place).
It was difficult going to a new school. I had an awfully mean third grade teacher. She was strict and stern on everything she did. Her name I couldn't even pronounce, she was from India I believe.
She was very stern when it came to bathroom breaks. She rarely let you go.
One day, I sat down in my third grade class. We were testing that day. No talking, no bathroom breaks, no anything. That particular day, I drank more than my fair share amount of orange juice in the cafeteria at breakfast time and really needed to use the restroom.
Of course, my teacher would not permit it. So I sit there, doing the potty dance in my seat for an hour. We are not done testing yet but I can practically feel the urine coming out. I need to go, and I needed to go now.
I walk up to the front and beg my teacher to let me go. She was angry I walked up. She was angry I asked again. She slapped her hand on her desk and shouted :
"You will not use the bathroom until I say you can use the bathroom! Now sit her at my desk and finish your test and then you can go!"
I can't tell you why she sat me at her desk other than to humiliate me. I sat. I continued my test. I start to answer every question as fast I can. I skim read and I circle my answer, skim read and circle, skim read and...
I clench. I try to stop the inevitable. It is coming. I can't stop it. I'm sitting on my teachers nice padded swivel chair, in front of the entire third grade class that contained 28 students, peeing my pants . I am wearing a velvet dress my mother just got me. There is urine dripping down my leg. I am shaking. I am scared. Mortified.
I bust out crying. I can't stop crying. Now everyone is looking at me. Some are noticing the urine dripping down my leg and down the chair. The teacher walks over.
"What are you crying..."
She gasps. She freezes.
"Get out! Go the principals office now!"
I get up and run out. To the bathroom first. To somehow clean myself up. I'm in the stall crying my eyes out. I can barely breathe. I need to breathe. I start trying to clean myself up, but you can't dry the jumbo wet spot on my dress. I flush the toilet and walk out of the stall.
I take a long hard look the the mirror. My cheeks are flushed red and my eyes are puffy. I notice a stain on the dress my mother just got me. I turn around and see the enormous damp spot on my dress, there's no hiding this.
I rush out of the bathroom to the office. It's a short walk, but it seemed like it took hours. I finally arrive to the help desk. I whisper very, very quietly :
"I had an accident.."
The lady obviously didn't hear me well enough.
"Sweetheart, you gotta stop mumbling.. what?"
"I had an accident ..." I repeat a little louder. The two other helpers look over and now I'm red again.
"Come on in to the nurses office honey!"
She lets me in the side door and I walk into the nurses office. She's helping another student right now. That's all I want, someone else to know I pissed myself. I stand there, shaking, not wanting to sit on anything because my dress is urine soaked. I wait.
When the nurse is finally done with the child in front of me she escorts me in. She looks at my Up and down. She asks:
"Well, can your parents come get you?"
I know surely my parents would not come to the me or even bring me clothes. They can never come. My mother doesn't drive (legally) and my father is never home. But I can't let the nurse think that I have awful parents, because they aren't awful, just special. Part of me wished upon everything my parents would come pick me up.
"Yeah, maybe. Can you call them?"
The nurse walks to the help desk and get my listed phone number. She walks back in and proceeds to attempt to call my parents.
"Hello, is this Samantha's number?... Well She had a little accident and she is going to need someone to pick her up or a change of clothes... well yes but I'm not sure if.... um okay then.."
she hangs up the phone and lets out a sigh. Not good news. I knew mother wouldn't come. Not for something that was my fault.
"Well looks like you are going to have to wear something I have lying around here.."
She digs in this tote and find me P.E. shorts and a t- shirt. The shorts were too big and the shirt was too small, but anything was better than a piss soaked dress. I proceed to the bathroom and change.
The nurse lets me keep the dress in a garbage bag in the bathroom until after school. I proceed to walk back to class. I do not want to see my peers again. I'm humiliated. Why couldn't me parents just come pick me up. Why?!
I hesitate to open the door . I look at the side of the door and the piss soaked chair is sitting outside. I do not want to go back in there, maybe I should ditch class. My parents would be so mad. I can't. I have to go in, I have to.
With sweaty palms. I open the door. As I walk in, all eyes turn towards me. Everyone is silent for just that minute. I start to make my way to my seat and I hear the giggles. Everyone is whispering. About the chair. The accident. My new outfit.
"Mrs. Pissy"
"That's nasty"
"Can't believe she peed on the teachers chair!"
"You think she's going to pee on those too!"
Comments being made throughout the entire walk to my seat. I sit down. Trying not to cry again I continue my work. The teacher is glaring at me. The students are laughing and pointing.
I have fallen again. My parents disappointment once again had made me fall. From a higher distance this time and a piece chips off of me onto the floor. I am not broken yet, just chipped.
