Ugh last week for the first week of school was horrible. But it was even worse this week too
Why are the kids at my school so ughhhhh
Today a guy was so damn close to my face and he was about to forcefully kiss me but I ended up screeching and kicking him in the balls.
And yesterday some boys tried to surround me and they were touching me and they wanted to fuck me, I have a fucking girlfriend. (And don't even think about asking me who she is, my love life is not your business)
And and the first week of school I was just so torn apart and so fuckin damaged. I was literally having the worst three weeks ever since
I had started school but I feel so tired and so damn sick all the time. And what’s even worse the principal is the guy I had as a principal,
In elementary school
And I am scared shitless of him because I did something so bad back then and if someone ever laughed about it I end up screaming again
I was stupid back then and what I did left a permanent mark on his forehead.
I was literally crying and screaming because I was accused of hurting people when really the kids in my class were so fucking cruel.
And when I tried to tell the principal what really happened he wouldn’t believe me then I ended up throwing a shoe in his face
I was blamed for hurting people and also beaten up in the process. And some people ask me why don’t you go to a therapist?
I do but I don’t want to go. Because they say mean things about me too. Last appointment I had with my therapist
She called me homicidal and that broke me down hard
Then other doctors said I was always depressed or just like this because so I can get what I want. And what’s fucked up my mom believes them
But they were lying. I never did that because i wanted to get my way I was literally broken my heart was nothing but a shard and now I feel
So damn empty.
But also my sister’s still hate me and I’m trying to be a better sister and role model for them but they always hurt & physically/emotional
*physically/verbally/emotionally and mentally abusing me, back then I was just so sad and felt so worthless I used to burn my skin
I used to cut or even drink alcohol even though I was young but I did stop &. Another thing I also hate that my family support my gay Uncles
But they didn’t accept me when I told them I was bisexual and I was agender, that I preferred to use Xe/Xir/Xem pronouns
I was literally going insane at that moment it happened when gay marriage was made legal I felt so lonely and felt like an outcast
And they kept telling me that “It’s just a phase”
“You don’t know yet”
“You are just confused”;
“You are so annoying”
“And you wonder why no body likes you”
“At least I’m not as retarded as you”
“Your better off staying in a mental hospital”
“She’s just doing to get her way”
“She’s so lonely she became homicidal,she needs more pills”
And on the first day of school I wasn’t so good, remember I said I was meant to go to Brakenridge highschool? Well I was rejected again
And they sent me back to Sam Houston, and what had set me off more was the principal at Brakenridge, she said she didn’t need anymore
“depressed” and “sick” students. I was so damn pissed off, and my sister got to go there and it was the school she wanted to go to
And she says it’s no big deal, she even said this “At least I’m trying to do something with my life unlike an embarrassment like you”
after school that day I was already very tired & sick, I had thrown up on the sidewalk after I got off the bus, then I ended up passing out
When my mom helped me up she told me she was making my favorite food to cheer me up, I was happy for that but later that evening was very…
Horrible.
When I had took a shower for just 5 minutes my sister bursted in and started yelling and screaming at me to get out and when I was trying to
Hurry up, 3 minutes later she came in again then grabbed me out of the shower and pushed me to my bed and told me to change so she could
Take a shower
She ended up beating me up and I don’t fight back because I don’t want to hurt my own sister
Then that’s when my dad gets involved and he started yelling at me too, and kept telling me to change, and I was but also he broke my phone
Right in front of me to hurt me more so I could ‘learn’ a lesson not to take forever in the shower which I don’t but yes I did get a new
*new phone,and I always have my phone with me to talk to friends and all that and they always use the things I care and love against me
And I was a literal sobbing mess that night, I couldn’t sleep just like the days before that day, I didn’t have sleep at all because I was so sick that day.
And my dad says to walk it off and just cry myself to sleep, and it just hurts so much to hear from my dad and says I should’ve stayed.
With my real dad but he had died on Christmas day, and when my mom had gotten home she started yelling at them too,my family never gives me
A chance to prove I am not worthless, it’s a battle every single day to me & I had lost 7 pounds when I started eating less, I was laughing
I was laughing so much at my pain during that day too, I was laughing so much I couldn’t stop and started crying.
Sometimes I think why do I even try anymore? But I keep going but just think it’s worthless to keep moving forward because I was always beat
Down but hey at least my dad didn’t bring out the belt during that day haha.. I had so many bruises & wounds when I went to school the next
Day and people were wondering why I was so damaged and why I look like a beaten bloody pulp, I chose to laugh at it and just say I fell but
I didn’t, I just kept saying that I was “fine” after that hellish week I started to eat a lot during the weekend because I was so hungry
