I don't care

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As long as you are fine,

It doesn't matter.

I drove the car to the garage. I had been working extra hours again. I knew my beloved didn't like me staying out so long, but I had rent to pay. Jenny's and mine. She had been out of job for a while and therefore she had been unable to pay her part of the rent. I didn't have a problem with that. I knew she'd have done the same for me. She had always stood by me when I was having a hard time. What kind of lover would I be if I wouldn't do the same? I opened the door as quietly as I could. I didn't want to wake Jenny up. Especially since I had told her I was going to stay the night at the office. I hadn't known that my boss had finally managed to hire a new assistant, that's why I could focus on my own job and got it done before midnight. I hadn't felt like sleeping yet so I decided to go home. Now I just had to sneak quietly to the bedroom and be careful not to make any sound while undressing. I had hardly managed to take my shoes off when I realized something was wrong. The lights were still on and I heard weird sounds from the kitchen. It sounded as if Jenny was sobbing and the part that really made me worry, was that I heard a man's voice trying to calm her down. I wanted to run into the kitchen and find out what the heck was going on but I couldn't. I stood frozen at the lobby, listening closely.

'Seamus I can't! She's been so good to me. I don't care about love! I could never betray her like that.', Jenny sobbed. Her words made my heart skip a beat. She did love me, didn't she? But why on earth was she crying?

'So its better to betray your heart than her? You can't mean that Jenny! I love you and you love me! It's not your fault! If you just tell her how you feel I'm sure she'll understand. She might not like it but.. She's not a monster Jen!', Seamus said. I felt my world getting dark. I had known Seamus a long time. As a matter of fact he and I had been best friends in high school, but I hadn't heard from him after he moved to another side of the country. Now I hoped he would have stayed there. I knew he was a good guy, and apparently Jenny knew that too. I couldn't understand why I felt so hurt. It's not like I hadn't doubted something was wrong before. Jenny was a free spirit, a bird that'd rather kill herself than stay inside a cage. But she was a bird that had sworn love to me. She was my bird.

As long as you are being loved,

I don't care if it isn't me.

My sight blurred and it took me a while to realize I was crying. I couldn't stop the tears so I jumped back into my boots and run out. At first I was heading to the garage to get my car but soon I realized I was in no condition for driving. I ran out of the yard. I wasn't thinking at all where I was going or when I'd stop. Memories of Jenny kept rising up in my mind. Jenny laughing at the beach. Her green eyes sparkling in the sun as the wind played with her long hair. Jenny bending down to me, to give me a taste of her plump lips. Jenny... No! I shook my head aggressively. If Jenny didn't need me, if she really didn't love me, then so be it.

If he can make you happy,

He can have you.

I took a deep calming breath. I kept telling myself everything was fine till I almost believed it. It's not my happiness that mattered, it was Jenny's. If she couldn't be happy with me I ought to let her go. I knew I had to free her.

Even though it hurts,

I don't mind.

The first step is always the hardest. I had to go back home. I had to end our relationship and do it without letting her know I knew about him and Seamus. I didn't want to make her feel bad about it. And most of all I had to fight against my urge to kill Seamus.

Even though my soul cries,

I'm all right.

There I was again. At my front door fearing what I'd face inside. I opened the door but this time I made sure I'd be heard. I heard some rustle and realized she was trying to hide Seamus. If that was the way she wanted it then that was what she was going to get. Jenny appeared at the lobby before I had got my jacket off. She came to me and tried to give me a kiss but I turned my cheek to her. She looked a bit puzzled and gave me a kiss that felt more like a peck. She grinned to me. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.

'Jenny I'm sorry but I don't think this works, I don't think we work.', I started. My voice didn't sound like mine. I prepared for the greatest lie I had ever told. Jenny looked at me silently with expressionless face.

But seeing you with him,

makes my heart bleed.

'I don't love you. I'm sorry but I think this has been a huge mistake. I'll be out by tomorrow evening. ', I used all my willpower to stop my voice from shaking. Somehow it worked. Jenny opened her mouth but she couldn't say a thing. I saw tears glittering in her eyes. I said goodbye to her and ran to the night. Next morning I woke up in my office without a clear memory how I had gotten there. That didn't matter. Nothing did. All I lived for was gone. My beautiful bird flew away. And I knew she wouldn't come back.

I can't stop bleeding.

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 22, 2010 ⏰

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