Doubts. Dilemma. Daring choices. I just couldn't decide. Black or blue nail polish. It's existential. If I put the blue it will look kinda summery like I'm still holding on to the sun even though it's October and in Bristol that means winter already. I fear it will look ridiculous. If I put the black it would mean I have given up. I don't want to give up. I want to have the things I love right near me. In other words : I could do anything to live in a sunny place.
Australia would be great. My step father and his son are from there. I remember when 2 years ago my mum came one morning to my room and casually announced we were moving together with James. 3 months later they were married.
I knew Aviv from school and totally freaked out. He is part of the football team and my whole clique have a crush on him. So it was pretty awkward at first but now we make all the jokes siblings are supposed to make and all.
I'm gonna miss him next year when he leave after graduating.
I finally decide to put the black nail polish . I'm feeling mournful today and anyway it fit better with my shoes .
At school it's all the same, like always. Ashley jump at me to great me as if the last time we saw each other wasn't yesterday and gossip all day. At lunch we sit with the rest of the swim team. We talk and barely touch our salad and makes plans to meet after school, and how rough math is, and I know I hate that teacher, are you coming to Kevin's party tonight...
All days are the same. Except when Scott decide to come to school. Scott is in the basketball team but most of the time he prefer getting stoned. I tried to warn him to keep his grade up if he want to keep playing but it doesn't seem like he care. He have some issues, sure, but I can't help being desperately and pathetically in love with him. If he knew he'll break up with me within the minute, afraid I may be needy or something.
I'm so tired. School begin way too much early. And my belly hurt. It's not the first time, it happen to me from time to time . I told mum but I guess she doesn't care . Well whatever. But I've got trouble breathing right because of the pain. So this time I can't let her neglect me. At least until my birthday in February . I'll be 16 and won't need her to simply go to a doctor. I mean,damn. What next? You can't tie you own shoes until 16? What's more upsetting about being underage is that I can't drive. I have to take the bus or oh my... Let Aviv drive me. My friends take enough time pestering me about me as it is. I don't want the whole school clinging on me. And it's so embarrassing. How I am supposed to know what kind of deodorant he use or what color his toothbrush his(green)?!
I know what you think. We are only step brothers so maybe I could let myself notice him from time to time but the truth is , he's not my type . I mean he's cute I guess. But still. Don't try to put me into incest.
