"can u take your eyes off that book for a second please? i'm trying to talk to you."
she ignored the words once again and kept reading.
"hey are you listening to me?"
he insisted. his patience was gold but was starting to come to an end.
"why do you not care about me? what did i ever do to deserve this silence?? just tell me anything." he begged
"anything." she replied immediately.
"please maya i'm begging you. or... i'll leave you for good" he threatened.
"then leave youngjae." she said indifferent to the pain the boy was feeling.
maya didn't want to hurt him. it hurt her to do it but it was the right thing to do. she was a boring, uninteresting girl who would never deserve his love. it was better to let him go and let him have the opportunity to meet new people.
"maya you know i don't want to leave you." he said in a more serious tone.
"but i want you to leave." she spat coldly.
he was speechless. he never knew she cared that little for him.
he recalled the happy times he had with her. the times he took her to a far away beach only he knew. how they ran in the sand and tripped and fell together on the ground. how she kissed his cheek and told him she loved him with all her heart. what had changed? he didn't for sure. he was always the bright kid who smiled no matter what. why did she change? wasn't she happy back then?
the thing maya never told youngjae is that she wasn't happy back then. sure, things with youngjae were good. he made her the happiest girl in this world and she truly loved him. she could never lie about loving someone. but there was something inside her, bringing her down, not letting her be free.
while youngjae recalled the happy times, maya recalled the unhappy ones. the times she went to the bathroom during dates to catch her breath. anxiety attacks. those killed her. they made her heart ache in an unexplainable way.
youngjae couldn't let her go. and she knew that. he hugged her tight.
"you know i could never leave you."
"but-"
"no buts, you know i can't."
deep down she didn't want him to leave her either. she wanted him to fight for her. help her get through that hell she lived everyday.
"i know you have some issues. i'll
help you get through those. i'll do anything and everything for you." youngjae said, kissing her forehead right after.
something in maya grew. happiness. something she hadn't felt in a long time. that was all she wanted to hear.
------- 9 months later --------
maya opened her pc and looked through her emails. she was alone in her living room.
*new email*
from:
choiyoungjae7@wattpad.com
open the annex
_a video attached to this email_
maya opened the video without thinking twice.
it was a video of the happy times youngjae had recorded. the video she recorded in the beach. one of their dates to their favorite cafe. their first anniversary when he bought her the flowers she is allergic to. she chucked. deep down she missed it. she missed him.
maya was about to close the video when a specific part called her attention. it was the day she left him. 9 months ago. she saw herself walk away from the camera without looking back. it hurt her to see it from his perspective. but she couldn't help it. she knew it was for the best. she firmly closed the pc and sat on the floor.
"why would he send that." she cried out loud.
maya was much better compared to 9 months ago. she was strong and made everything she could to get better. she wanted to prove herself she was one who could deserve youngjae, even tho she knew he would never forgive her for leaving him like she did.
the bell rang.
she quickly wiped the tears out of her face and went to open the door.
"maya."
"no." she murmured.
"maya please." he begged
"no no please leave." she implored him.
"you know i can't." he hugged her tight and close. "you know i can't." he said once again.
maya didn't say anything. they stayed like that for a long time. she wasn't sure for how long but it felt like forever.
"don't make me leave again" he whispered
she couldn't put into words what she wanted to say. she didn't even know what she wanted to say.
she wanted him to stay. but also wanted him to leave. but the part of her who wanted him to stay was stronger.
maya hurried her face in his neck and cried silently while he caressed her hair.
youngjae held her hand. she felt the same butterflies she felt years ago when she first met him.
she recalled it. she wish he could rewind and live it all again.
youngjae and maya met in the first day of art school. she was studying digital art while he was studying music. she bumped into him when running to her class. she laughs every time she thinks about it. it's so cliche and drama like. she dropped one of her art books and youngjae picked it up.
two days after he went to her class to give her the books. maya thought he was hitting up on her that time. and she couldn't be more right. the boy was totally drown into her.
a week later she agreed to go in a date with him and that's how it all started. he took her to the movies. to see the cheesiest movie maya ever watched in her entire life and she hated it. but youngjae loved it. he actually cried in the end.
she remembered how she looked at him during the kiss scene. he was looking straight into the monitor, the bright light hit faintly his face and that was the moment she fell in love with him.
she remembered how youngjae caught her staring at him and teased her about it.
she smiled.
maya and youngjae laid down on the sofa and cuddled there. both were too afraid to say anything, anxious they would ruin the moment. so they stayed in silence. appreciating each other's company. something neither of them had in a very long time.
he involved his arms around her body and pulled her close. maya did the same and placed her ear in his chest, listening to each heartbeat.
time flew and after a long time youngjae held her chin with his fingers and delicately placed his lips on hers. he waited for her reaction. it was obvious she was just as thirsty as him. she kissed him lightly back. and from light kisses it went to a passionate long kiss. youngjae couldn't help but to break the kiss to smile. he was too happy. all of his worries were gone after that moment with her. she placed her forehead on his.
"i'm sorry" she said
"don't apologize i know you love me." he said cheekily.
"i do."
"you do?" he asked surprised.
"yes. i love you with all my heart."
"i love you too" youngjae said.
