The Last Days Of Amber Fisher

Escape

Sad, tired, and feeling overwhelm. I lay there, in my bed, in the cold dimmed room.

Im feeling very lifeless and weak, numb and anxious and just overall.......frustrated.

Frustrated with the world, frustrated with life, and very......very frustrated with myself.

I look up at the ceiling with tears clouding up my eyes,

"Why me?" I say in my mind.

"Why me?, why am I in so much pain, and why can't it just stop and go away?"

Tears flow down my face, as I become haunted by thoughts.

My thoughts tell me things, some things that are true, and some things that are lies, but.....I believe that they all are true, I just....believe them.

"Your fat, go on a diet"

"Your worthless, go kill yourself".

Those are some of the thoughts running through my mind right now.

There are more, just, too many to say.

I sit up, very anxiously, still in tears, I start to look around my room, I then see a sharp metal object.

I pick it up and look at it for a few seconds.

I hesitate, holding the blade against my arm.

I'm so scare, the thoughts running through my mind are telling me to do it.

i am in so much pain, that I really just want it all to stop.

So I hesitate again, then I finally had the courage to scratch the lower part of my arm with the blade.

Something happened, blood starts oozing out my arm, looking at the blood streaming down, I start to feel a little better, a little relief, i can't explain the feeling, just.....very calming, a good kind of feeling.

I ran to the bathroom, holding my left arm, looking at the cut, watching the blood leak out.

This was the very first cut I have ever made.

It felt painful, not too painful but it was relieving with a good feeling...I know that's crazy..

I start to feel weird, I start to wonder why, why it felt so good to inflict pain on myself, I mean I hate pain, I always have....

But this pain was different....very different....it just made me feel better, like everything, including my thoughts just went away...vanished..

my mother knocks on the door.

"Amber, dinners ready" she says

I start to panic, so I start to clean the cut, and bandage it up, very anxiously as I say "Im coming, I'll be right down".