Things that I go through at night

9-5-17

I was sitting on the recliner after watching tv then I realized it was almost 12 so I shut off the tv and stare at the ceiling as I usually do so I can become tired as I stare off into space I started thinking about how I left past relationships over text and how sad and upset they must have been and that I was weak cause I couldn't do it to there face but, when I do break up with someone to there face you have to deal with all the emotions then I started crying and all I was able to imagine was  my ex's Andrew and Michael walking through the rv door judging me and being mad at me for how I left the relationship and how I treated them, along with how selfish I am, and how with one I had acted immature as usual then with the other I had major anger issues to where I would get to the verge of wanting to hit him. Then as I'm thinking of all the shit that happens everything started fading to black but it was only rarely then when it was blacked out even though my eyes where wide open I would see things that looks similar to a human crawling towards me. One was near the chair almost to my legs, other was on the couch near me, and the last one was at the upper corner near the door. I wasn't able to move away or make a sound except for crying very heavily. Then I started hyperventilating and crying even more. After about 10 long suffering minutes of this or longer idk it finally calmed down and I got up got something to drink then layed down behind the chair with my pillow on the ground and hugged my dog smokey till I passed out while crying silently to my self hoping no one hears me so I don't have to trouble them.