Memory Of A Melody: Lacie[oneshot] Pandora Hearts

Last Dawn

Writing this on a whim again, may not be good though, it's just my tribute to how complex Lacie was as a character :)))
-----------------------------------------------------------

Who was I, before I was a Baskerville?

I can't, or won't remember.

I liked to forget, after all. Everything, anything, just to rid my mind of the chaos and keep my mind away from madness.

So I cleared my mind and focused on the now.

Through the ornate looking glass in my tower, the stark crimson of my eyes stared back at me, brighter than blood and deeper than fire.

My eyes. I despised them, but they always told me the truth.

That the world was cruel, that it wasn't fair, and that in spite of all its terrible things, it still made us all so desperate to live in it.

I did want to live on. Who didn't?

I could run away from this manor, from this stone tower, from my cursed fate. Jack would do anything I asked; I knew from his emerald eyes that were hollow and starving to feel something, anything. To finally own something.

But I didn't want to. I couldn't live with my stained eyes, but I could live without them.

If I couldn't live freely without having to keep killing those who hunted Cursed Children, if I didn't have Big Brother by my side, it would be meaningless. I loved this world, my world, and the other golden world that dwelled below.

And I didn't want to just live. I wanted time, with Jack and Brother, and with the lonely Core of the Abyss. I wanted this life I was accustomed to, that I've grown to love, without the hands of the seal on my time reaching a full revolution.

But time marched on.

My heart was afraid to die, to never see Jack or Brother or the Core again, but it was resigned to its fate. It knew as much as I did, that it wouldn't wish for any other fate.

My dreams of the Abyss, seeing the golden flecks and the chains holding our world together, to witness the ephemeral beauty of the Abyss, I was blessed. I loved it.

I was happy with my life's epilogue and it's impending conclusion. I lived fiercely till now.

But the depth in Jack's gaze, the warmth of Brother's smiles, and that golden afternoon in the field singing, made my heart clench.

The sweet sorrow spilt out of my crimson eyes in clear drops, but they tasted so, so salty on my wistfully upturned lips.

My heart is such a traitorous thing.

Lacie, stop torturing yourself.

But the memories could only surge in an endless flow, the flashes and snippets of my life filling my mind, my heart, my soul.

And regardless of how strong and cynical and enlightened I was, I was human and I was selfish and desperate and I cried and cried and cried, as if I could bleed myself dry of all my emotions.

But as the first snow drifted in from the window with the cold, I made myself forget again and revelled in the beauty of winter.

My last winter.

And both of you pretend not to notice my red nose and eyes as both of you smile gently and ask if I wanted to go for a stroll.

I'm not sure if my laughter sounded as hollow as I felt that afternoon, but it was a beautiful walk, the silvery snowflakes mixing with golden flecks in the air.

I waved my final goodbye, gave my last smile, and uttered a kind lie to Jack.

Then I watched Brother's stricken eyes and trembling lip, and held him tight, trying to hold him together as I shatter inside watching him tremble.

But I smiled my obnoxious smirk, and pretended to be alright, until I was safe under the cover of the tree's shadow, succumbing to the freezing sadness alone, and falling asleep.

Until my last dawn.

Who would I be, if I couldn't live on with you?