We Believe

Chapter 11: This Time (1)

Tobin's POV

"....I've been practicing all day, now the words I meant to say are gone.. I-", I mumble and realize that I just started saying the lyrics of Christen and my favourite song; this time by Melanie C.

"I promised that I wouldn't cry..", Christen goes on and gives me a soft little smile.
"Told myself I had to try and hold on."

"The truth, I lied. I hate myself inside.", I mumble, realizing how every line fits in perfectly to our situation.

"And why?", she asks, like we're having a normal conversation.

"I played the game and payed the price.", I go on.

"I forgive you, Toby. I want a happy future..", Christen adds.
"I'll never look back. Never cry. Never try to wonder why..", she whispers.

"I don't want to be on my own, never doubt, never shout, I wonder how..", I whisper, changing the lyrics a little.

"You'll never be the only one.. this time I will.. keep you safe and near me, Toby.", she goes on, also changing up the lyrics a little.

"I've been wide awake all night..", I whisper.

"There's no sign of sleeping insude my mind.", she mumbles smiling.

"And I convince myself you'd call in time..", I whisper.

"The truth..", she whispers with her lovely voice.

"I lied. The girl in me has died..", I mumble.

"And why?"

"I played the game and payed the price."

"I'll never look back, never cry, never try to wonder why.."

"I don't want to be on my own, never doubt, never shout, I wonder how.."

"You'll never be the only one.. this time, this time-", she whispers.

"This time I'll be yours completely.", I whisper.

She squeezes my hand and I give her a smile.

"Songs can say so much more then we ever could..", she mumbles and I nod.

"You're so right."

"Like I said, I accept your apology, Toby.. but I want you to know how much pain you put me through..", she mumbles.

My heart feels like it's being tortured.

I know that I fucked up big time.

But I can't stand seeing Christen in pain..

Even though it's my own fault..

I can feel in what direction this is going.

I squeeze her hand a little tighter and slowly let my fingers wander up her sleeve, softly caressing her skin.

I feel scars underneath my fingers.

Many scars.

My dried eyes are staring to water again..

I want to say to much but my words are gone.

"Beautiful girl..", I just whisper.

And I apperently said the right words because Christen puts her other arm around my shoulders and rests her head on mine.

I can't help it but the tears are streaming down my fave like waterfalls.

I feel so empty and guilty and bad.

"Shh, Toby. It's okay..", she whispers in my ear and lets go of my hand to run hers through my hair.

She makes me rest my head on her lap and wipes away my tears.

"Oh Christen..", is all I'm able to say.

"Toby. Babygirl. It's okay. I'm here now.", she whispers.

"But I wasn't there when I should have been..", I mumble.

I can't believe that I let her go.

I was so obsessed with getting over Ales that I didn't know how much I had, how lucky I was to have a girl like Christen.

I put her into so much pain..

We just lay here, under the sakura cherry blossom tree and enjoy each other's company.

"Toby?", Christen asks as she finished wiping my tears away.

"Yes, Christen?", I say and look up into her eyes.

"Would you mind it if we take a picture together? I'd like to keep you near and not carry an old picture of us around..", she mumbles and blushes a little.

"Sure.", I say and smile.

She takes out a polaroid camera and I get up from her lap, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my head on her shoulder.

She wraps one arm around me and takes a picture with the other one.

"We can take a few if you want to.", she whispers and I nod.

On the next one, I give her a kiss on her cheek.

I've been longing to kiss her cheek for so long..

Now, she gives me a little kiss on my cheek.

I rest my head on her neck as she takes out the picture and lays it next to the other.

For the last picture, we both have the same idea to kiss the other's cheek and before we know what's actually going on, our lips are smashed against each other.

An explosion of mango and vanilla mint in my mouth blows my mind away and I just hear the 'tick' of the camera which signalizes that a photo had been taken.

I've been craving to kiss her soft, amazing tasting lips for so, so endlessly long that I completetly forget about everything.

It's just us.

Nothing else matters.

Unable to breathe, we finally let go and stare at each other.

"I- I want that picture.", we both say at the same time and immediatly start laughing.

"Let me keep it until the game next weekend, please!", I whisper.

"Y-you're playing? Wow Toby!", she whispers surprised as she pulls out the picture and gives it to me.

I hold it against the light and can slowly see our faces getting lighter on the yet still dark little photo.

I put it in my phonecase, right next to the tiny little picture of Christen that I found in her letter.

She also hands me the picture on which she's kissing my cheek and I put it next to them.

"You're wearing the earring, Toby.", she whispers and looks me in the eyes.

"Always.", I say with the softest voice.

"Hey! Loosers!", suddenly a voice yells behind us.

"You, yes you! Fucking dykes!", a boy yells and walks up to us.

"What are you doing here? This parc is not for dykes like you.", he spits and two other boys, probably his friends, walk up behind him and laugh.

AN: next part in the next chapter! Stay tuned and don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT!!!!