The man who owns my heart...

I've known Leonard since we enter college, from the first time we met I already knew that I could get along with him. My first impression about this guy is that, I will like him. I'm glad my intuition didn't fail me, and we became best of friends. Some would think that we're more than that. Oh, they just don't know how I wish they're right.

In every special moment of my life he's always been there. Whenever I’m down, he cheers me up, and when my heart is broken he makes it whole again. Sometimes I think he is my angel in disguise. We had each other through ups downs and even in between that. Everytime that I'm with him, I just feel so secured. Maybe that's why i could not help but to fall for him. A guy who makes me feel extra special and who always shelters my heart. Well, I really can't  blame myself if I have learned to love my best friend.

I've tried my best to hide what I’ve felt for him because I’m afraid that I might lose him. He's my best friend and that's all it's gonna be. I always put that in my big head. But, I just can't hide the fact that deep inside I'm hoping that he feels the same way.

Days had passed, our friendship becomes stronger and my love for him has just grown deeper. So, I decided one day to confess my love for him...

"Leonard, ahmmm...I have something to tell you..." I started confessing with my nerves shaking.

"You look serious huh? What is it?" He asks with his eyes straight to mine.

"You're my best friend and ahmm I want to be honest with you..."

"Honest about what?" He asked confusingly.

"About how i feel towards you. Leonard, I....." I'm about to say those words but he stopped me.

"You don't need to say it. I knew it. And I’m sorry I made you feel this way..."

Those words from him were slap on my face and it hurts me really bad. All of a sudden, I just wanted to abruptly vanish from the surface of the earth. I've felt mixed emotions of pain and shame. I tried to fight back the tears but i failed.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." I said with my eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, stop that. I hate to see you crying, you know that. And you don't need to be sorry." He said trying to dry my tears.

"No, I should be sorry. I'm sorry because I Love you!" Finally, those words came out from me. I can't believe i've said it, but it made me feel better.

"You know what? I want you to stay as my best friend because I love you more...remember that, I love you more..." He said those words so softly and with all sincerity.

I didn't really understand what he means about it, but as he held me in his arms so closely, I feel so secured again.

Weeks after that confrontation, we've rarely seen each other, until one afternoon, I’ve got a call from him.

"Hi there! How are you?" He said in a nice mood.

"Oh Leonard! I'm fine. What's up?" I said with much amazement.

"I just called to say goodbye." He said in a serious tone.

"Goodbye? But, why? Where are you going?" I panicky asked.

"Hey,hey, relax. I'm just going to my grandma's place and i'll be staying there for about two weeks." He answered chuckling.

"Ah okay. Have a nice trip then and be safe. Okay?" I said with much relief.

"Thanks best friend. By the way, Janna...." He said.

"Yes?" 

"I'll be missing you." He softly said.

"Just come home soon so that i'll not miss you so long. Okay? “I said smiling, not recovering yet from his 'i'll be missing you statement', that made my heart skip a beat.

"Okay. Bye." Then he hung up the phone.

A month after I was so worried that he hasn't come back yet. And I’m terribly missing him. 

Until one day his sister came over and told me what happened.

Leonard was buried a week ago, he died because of heart ailment. He was suffering for it since birth and he didn't even bothered to tell me about it. He was undergoing medications but his case became hopeless.

From that moment I've learned it, I can't believe it's happening and  I am having a hard time processing what his sister is telling me. I've almost lost my sanity. My tears just

kept on falling, while i was down on my knees.

She handed me a note before she left. It says:

"Now you know the secret that I've been hiding for so long. That's the reason why I chose you to stay as my best friend. I don't want you to lose a boy friend, just a best friend. I guess it would be better. Now that I'm gone, I want to let you know that you're  the most precious thing that ever happened to me. My one and only best friend, my one and only best love. I'll be missing you Janna and always remember, I love you more.."

_Leonard_

As i've read those words, my heart was cut into pieces. I cried and cried and cried....

He is right that I've only lost a best friend but a best friend who brings my heart with him.

Now, I realize that there are just things in this world that were not meant for us, that were not meant to happen. Fate is indeed beyond our control. There are just things in this world that are destined to happen. May it be in our favor or the other way around, whether we like it or not, it still happens. There's nothing left for us to do but accept it with all courage because after all, life must still go on.

As of this moment, I just told myself that despite everything, I still have to be thankful, because in the end i've known that I was the ONE AND ONLY LOVE of the MAN WHO OWNS MY HEART.

'Till we meet again Leonard...forever you shall own my heart...

-janna-