This is my goodbye.
My bones ache. I am so tired of living without you.
My spine is crumbling i can no longer stand. I can't stand it.
I'm so poisoned with rage that i know you wouldn't recognise me. I won't describe myself too much in this because i know I'm going to see you soon and you won't read it. I may be suicidal but I'm not delusional.
I have tried everything. No drug provides the euphoria that you did. No breathing exercises steady me.
I know i am a coward for leaving so soon but that's alright as long as i am left a coward by your side. I know i was useless and this is all my fault and carving my apologies into my skin didn't make it right and bringing flowers and being chief mourner and punching Mycroft in the face for abandoning you didn't help. I know i am a hypocrite for hating him for letting you go but of all the things i am sorry for Sherlock. That is not one. Despite it all you were my soul mate. Despite what people say, despite what you thought I have loved you since the moment your stony eyes locked onto mine.
Where ever i end up now.
I have been and always will be,
Yours
John Watson
YOU ARE READING
Old habits (Johnlock)
FanfictionWhat is Sherlock without John. Sherlock is back to where he started. Back to old habits TRIGGER WARNING. THEMES OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE
