40 Things Emmett Cullen is not allowed to do
1. Walk around school in a bear costume screaming 'You are what you eat!!!'
2. Lie down in heavy snow and randomly sit up super fast whenever someone walks past
3. Attempt to sing 'Baby' by Justin bieber
4. Attempt to sing ANYTHING sung by Justin Bieber
5. Randomly make everyone he sees into a vampire until he finds one that can stop time
6. Tell the vampire to stop time so he can lick everyone's food before they get a chance to eat them
7. Tell the vampire to resume time when he had finished, just so he can watch everyone that isn't Rosalie consume his saliva for the first time ever *coughs*
8. Buy Leah a shock collar because 'she talks almost as much as Rosalie'
9. Attempt to wear a tutu, play Edward's piano and eat an M&M cookie at the same time
10. Cover his arms in shimmer gel and claim it doesn't work and he wants a refund while standing in the sun
11. Randomly break-out doing the Macarena in the middle of a shopping centre
12. Get Jane to torture his 'Army of vampires' until they joined him
13. Buy an Ipod, Claim he used Alice's credit card to buy it, and eat it like a candy bar right in front of her
14. Hold it up in the air when Alice tries to grab it and scream in a high pitched voice 'JUMP FOR IT FATTY! JUMP FOR IT!'
15. Put random people into a giant Microwave
16. Tell Esme that he is baking cookies when she asks what he was doing
17. Try to laugh like Spongebob
18. Or try to imitate the Pirate in the theme song
19. Liberate (i.e. steal) every pet in town
20. And then sell them back to their owners
21. After shaving them and gluing sequins on them.
22. Run through the school naked with "Momma's boy" written on his chest in whipped cream
23. Write children's books (examples: 'Fun, Four Letter Words to Know and Share'; 'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'; 'Curious George and the High Voltage Fence')
25. Scratch " 3MM3TT K!CK A55" onto walls
26. And then deny all knowledge of it
27. Dye his hair black, wear glasses, carry around a stick and tell hordes of 4th graders he is the real Harry Potter
28. Wear Rosalie's underwear around the house (even if the whole family was watching Rocky Horror Picture Show)
29. Try and start a nudist colony in a school bathroom...
30. And invite the teachers giving him detention/trying to get him to put his clothes back on to join...
31.And then tell the Guidance Counselor that Rosalie's hair told him to do it
32. Paint Edward's Volvo tie-dye
33. And then say it was Bella's idea
34. Sing any songs generally associated with Gwen Stefani...
35. ...or Britney Spears
36. Sing "Ninety-nine bottles of grizzly blood on the wall.."
37. Furthermore, he is not allowed to sing. Period.
38. Scream in pain and hold his manhood claiming he has his period
39. And then start 58 punch-up's using the excuse 'But I'm PMSing!!'
Bella put blue-tac on each corner of the back of the A3 paper and pressed it against the wall.
'Are you SURE he'll actually follow this?!' Esme shrieked psychotically and Jasper sighed, again letting calmness flow through the room, relieving Esme of her nervous breakdown yet again.
'Yep.sure. lets test it. lets go! lets go! lets gooooo!' Rosalie squealed super-fast and Alice snatched the 'Mother' energy drink off of her.
'I'm gonna need this...' She trailed off as she chugged it all down.
The whole group heard a series of weird sounds erupting from Rosalie's room and they all ran up the stairs to investigate.
Alice opened the door to see...
You don't really want to know...
Rosalie gagged and Carlisle dismissed what Emmett was doing as something every fully-grown, male vampire would do.
Edward's face contorted in disgust at Carlisle's thoughts.
Bella was just turned on.
Alice disappeared as she ran with energized-vampiric speed to the list and wrote:
'40. Steal Rosalie's stuffed animals and make X-rated movies with them'
