There was something about that night
With the stars as our only light
As I laid on the ground in the camp
Just because I wanted to be around you.
I just wanted to watch your eyes
As you faded into your mind
Cause to me it felt like a promise
That everything would be alright
But as sleep stole our time
And even crickets stopped their chime
and I watched dream change your face anew
I realized maybe I was in love with you.
I could already feel the flames licking at my feet
Invisible but scarring me with their heat
Telling me that I was banned from this feeling
Telling me that my soul was damned
if I were to need you
And I needed you
Because even though you were the source of my pain
My brain couldn't convince my heart not to fill
Every time you told me
I was your favorite.
Because your smile brought me more joy
Then I could make for myself anymore
Because I was being dragged down by who I was supposed to be
when I was becoming what I shouldn't.
Without you I was empty,
I was a blemish in a perfect world
And I needed life like
I needed water in my lungs.
Without you, there was only one side
To the promise
we made silently that night
And I wasn't alright.
The crickets had refused to sing
It took me years to realize
That the hellfire under my feet
Was a fate I wouldn't meet
And was just another way
My mind was trying to break me
I wanted to learn to fight
I wanted something to acheive
But how was I supposed set it right
When I had forgotten how to breath?
I told myself it was possible to change
So I felt the pain but bore through
Because it wasn't anything strange
To love someone as beautiful as you.
And you tell me about your boyfriend
I feel the ache in my chest
But I'm comforted in the end
Because you confide in me and don't lose rest
Your smiles just as bright
And somehow I feel safe in it
Because, though this will never feel right,
You still consider me your favorite
and when I hear the hint of laughter
In your voice I start to hear the crickets again
Singing the softest song
Reminding me:
maybe I can learn to live again
Maybe Ill be alright
