I jolt awake, finally able to move; I can feel the cold chill outside from all the snow seeping in my window. Even when I realize that it was just a dream, I can’t help but hurry out from under the covers, cursing my imagination. I walk over to the window, staring through to see what I’ve seen just about every day for the past few weeks, snow. Honestly, I was just about tired of it.
My dreams weren’t helping much either. You’d think you could see just about anything in this bright snow, but I always feel like I’m being watched still…
I tried to shake the feeling as I walked slowly to the bathroom down the hall. When I looked in the mirror, I realized just how bad I looked. I hadn’t been sleeping much lately, and there were bags under my eyes. Honestly, I just dread night in general. I wish there was some way to shake the feeling, but I have a feeling that it won’t be going away anytime soon.
I don’t know, it’s just that every time I try to go to sleep, every single horror movie I have ever seen and where the monsters from said movies could be hiding flash through my head. It’s completely frustrating. And now it seems like my fear is turning into an image of its own, something I’d never seen in a movie, but every time I wake up my memory of it scurries away like a frightened rabbit.
I have the feeling I wouldn’t want to remember it. I mean, my dad would just call me a wuss and move on, and sometimes I do think I might be imagining things. But it’s things I notice in my peripheral vision or strange feelings that I get. I might just be paranoid, so I haven’t told anyone, but…
I have been waking up with strange cuts I never remember getting. Most of the time, I just choose to ignore it and go on with life. Maybe I am just paranoid.
I didn’t dare think of the subject for too long, though, because I would be staying here by myself this weekend. The parents wanted a weekend away, so here we are. I was afraid of staying by myself, but I wouldn’t have told them that. They didn’t understand; they never have.
My parents would forever be a subject of my never ending stress. Sometimes I just get so angry with them, but I knew that without them I'd go insane.
I start heading back into my room to get dressed for the day, feeling the chill from outside. I always hated the cold. I guess the warmth is just more comforting. The cold gets under my skin and I can't think rationally. It’s as if my mind goes numb and my body just freezes. I put on a wool sweater to ward off the cold. Afterwards, I head downstairs for some breakfast, maybe some food could take my mind off things. I hope so.
I open the refrigerator and pulled out some greasy leftovers from dinner last night. I go to take a bite, and suddenly feel incredibly queasy. I know I should eat something, but almost everytime I try to eat, I just lose my appetite. Luckily no one’s noticed my recent weight loss, it seems like everyday I’m getting skinnier, now I’m even starting to see my ribs a bit. If I keep this up I’ll be nothing but skin and bones. I hope I don’t end up dying, or having to be force-fed. That sounds painful. I put the food back for what feels like the millionth time and walk into the living room, where I plop down on a recliner and turn on the tv. as I’m watching I see something in the corner of my eye and turn towards the window. Nothing, again. I feel a shiver down my spine, but try to ignore it. Eventually I get up and close the blinds, then go back to the recliner, angry with myself for giving into my fear.
I couldn’t handle the seclusion anymore, I got out my phone and texted my friend Trent.
Hey, you up, bro?
Yeah, how’s it going?
I can’t sleep. Wanna come over?
Sure, I’ll be there soon. Just let me get ready, :)
