M

It All Started When...

Well, here goes nothing I guess.... the names in this story are not names they are letters or initials if you will. For example the main character's name is M.V the second letter is obviously the last name but that's not really important because I will mainly use the first letter.....ahem now that that is out of the way I also want to say that I might be trying different styles for this story so sorry for the inncovinience in advanced so... yeah enjoy!
~Author M

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M's P.O.V

I jolted awake to the familiar tune to
of my alarm going off on my phone. I stretch out completely and grab my phone and turn the alarm off before it wakes my sister up. I sit up on my bed and think about the events that might occur today and half of them have to do with me possibly coming out to both my friends and family and what could go wrong. I slightly cringe at the thought because I know it is basically impossible to come out. It has been exactly 5 years since I have come to the conclusion I was bisexual and each day it is getting harder to keep in. I never would have imagined my life would turn to this, I am terrified of being outcasted by my friends and beat by my parents who are against anything they consider LGBT. So I remain in this safe haven that many know of, called the closet. I first started noticing my increase of interest in females and males when I was around 12 and it all started when I  caught myself checking out my best friend N.J I literally slapped myself so many times when I got home that day. I was lost and confused I cried in the shower or when I was home alone knowing that I was a 'disgrace' to my family and that I was going to hell for this. I prayed in hopes that the next day I would magically be "straight" again. This day still hasn't come and I have 'gave up' if you will. I realised that before I could love anyone or before any one else could love me I had to love myself. I am still in a battle when it comes to this but I have accepted myself a bit more than I have before and I feel a bit more at peace for taking a step toward self-honesty if that's even a thing.

I have known my friend N since fourth grade and we are pretty close now. I was always a shy person and had trouble talking to others, I remember the time the other kids in my elementary school thought I was mute but I only talked to my greatest friends ever E.E and E.R we referred to each other as cousins because our parents knew each other and they were friends. E.E introduced me to N one day and I immediately disliked her and when I look back at it I was just being extremely clingy to E.E and now I know why. I pretty much became N's bully and throughout the rest of the fourth grade and up to sixth grade I made her miserable.

Then I stopped, I will always remember the way my heart felt when I made her cry during lunch. I didn't know what was happening to me but my heart was basically killing me inside and I too started crying. I apologized to her so many times and hated myself for what I've done. I remember grabbing her hand and saying "please stop crying, I'm so sorry I never meant for this to happen and I won't bully you anymore" .

That's when I fell in love .... crazy right? my heart was beating like crazy and when I apologized I looked in her eyes . They were beautiful, green with golden brown streaks and speck of what looked like red in other words her eyes were hazel. After that I decided to make it up to her and I hung out with her during lunch and by the end of the sixth grade she was my best friend. In seventh grade I met Y.S she is the craziest of my group of friends but I love her (no. Not in that way), then came K.M she was N's cousin but N told me she didn't like her at times so I was hesitant when it came to her, but now she is also one of my closest friends.

To sum it up in my group we have N the girl that I've had a crush on since the sixth grade, Y the crazy girl who likes to do crazy crap, K who is N's cousin and is nice with a high pitched voice and of course me, M the closeted bisexual.

We are now in our third year of high school and we graduate next year and things haven't changed now that I look back at it.

I snap out of my memories and I look at the clock to find that I'm already 35 minutes behind my morning routine which is pretty simple:
•wake up
•change
•put phone to charge
•rinse mouth (to get nasty bacteria out of my mouth)
•Do my hair
•start my make up (that doesn't really do anything for my beat up face)
•eat breakfast
•brush teeth
•finish make up
•Then browse on my phone until it's time to walk to my bus stop (yes I still ride the bus my parents are strict when it comes to me.

It is now 6:10 am and I'm off to my bus stop the walk is always nice since is cool and nobody is awake. This is probably my favorite part of the day aside from seeing N during nutrition and lunch. Besides the occasional run in either wild life like raccoons, skunks, and cayotes it is rather peaceful waking alone early in the morning.I arrive at my bus stop at 6:25 and my bus usually arrives at 6:35.

"I can't belive I'm a junior in high school and soon it's gonna be time to go to college and figure out what to do with myself" I mumbled to myself walking toward my usual spot where I sit to wait for the bus.

College has always scared/excited me but knowing that I will have to leave the people I care about behind scares the living shit out of me. Especially since I will have to leave N I wonder what she I going to do in the future, what university she'll go to and if we will remain best friend until we're old. I always tear up when thinking about the future because I know that whatever I want won't happen.

If you hadn't already guessed it my best friend N is 1110% straight and is in no way interested in girls, she doesn't even look at them to trash talk or complement them! It was my intention to confess at some point but I have made a cowardly decision and decided to tell her when she goes to college or when I go but I still don't know wether to do it by text or in person in my mind both end badly.

This is my akward journey I wonder if things are going to change from now on? And I wonder if it's for the better or worse.

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Well there you go that was chapter 1!! I am slightly satisfied with how it turned out but I hope it was interesting to whoever is reading. If you are wondering yes this is essentially the story of my life and it is not a fictional world where I get what I want . It will most likely be full of shit and pain but I'm willing to write about it for the sake of entertainment. I can't guarantee a happy ending for this story guys so sorry to let your hopes down... that is if you had any

Another update is coming soon a lot is going on rn so please anticipate it!