Altissia

Chapter 2: A life in darkness.

Judging by the sound of a sizzling noise from a frying pan and the smell of roasted bread that spread through the house and out the open door to the porch, he could tell that Snow was finally up and running for the day.
Ignis was outside, leaned against the railing of the porch and tried to sort his feelings and thoughts, he didn't know for how long he had been standing there... Actually... He wasn't even sure about if he cared or not; all he knew that he cared about at the moment was for Gladiolus to call, to tell him that Noctis had woken up and that he was okay.
He had tried to call himself but he couldn't seem to remember any number and he couldn't exactly find his way to his phonebook and guess for a name either as he couldn't even unlock his phone without his vision.
All he could do was to wait and the incapability to even make a single phone call was enough for him to feel useless yet again; if he couldn't even do that, then of what use would he be for his king to be?
What help could he offer if he couldn't even help him with what he was trained to do?
A frustrated growl leaved his lips and he closed his eyes hard, he had taken off the bandage around them when he leaved his bed earlier, only to be disturbed with blinking red spots as light seeped through; he deeply regretted that now as his ribs hurt to much for him to be able to put it back on by himself.
He sighed heavily, closed his eyes a bit harder and he listened to the singing birds as felt the worth of the shining sun at his face, valued each and every moment that he was alive, something he was not even sure that he was worth doing when so many innocent has lost theirs.
The sound of quirking wooden floor caught his attention and he returned to the world of his surroundings rather than the world of his thoughts.
A chilled hand was put on his shoulder and Snow began to speak.
"Aren't you sick enough you think? You should come inside and eat some; you have to build your strength up soldier."
Ignis huffed and shrugged, unsure of what to answer, as he seemed to have been quite often lately.
"I'm no soldier Snow; I'm a mere counsellor... I was a mere counsellor that is. Now I'm just Ignis, the lost Englishman in wherever we are. A bit funny isn't it?
Once I was the most collected and calm man I knew... The next I'm a total mess and can't even tell the time; of what use am I as a counsellor if I can't event consult?" He asked quietly and clenched his fist hard, it hit him hard to confess for himself that he had lost abilities that he once took for granted, that something given by birth was so easy to take away.
He was about to slam his fist onto the railing but Snow caught his hand just before he impact and sighed, Ignis could tell that he stood near, it was a bit uncomfortable that the other man could move so quietly.
"Hey, easy there Ignis, the railing hasn't done anything to deserve such a harsh treatment." He said jokingly, though his tone of voice was sombre and calm.
"And I highly doubt that you deserve that either. I know that facing death it's near impossible to live through, often you wish that you could have switched places with them... But you can't think like that, it's no use to resonate like that; it won't bring them back and it won't ease your heart. War is... War, enough said, there is gains and losses, there is so much suffering, but if you do not cherish the thought of you being alive you taunt those who gave theirs to keep you alive, accidently or not." He said and let his words sink in before he released his hand and leaned his forearms at the railing.
"I... Know, the face of fear, I know the shrieks of desperation and pain, I know the smell of blood and burnt flesh; I have been in war before, I have lost some that were very close to my heart. I would not ask you to do something like letting it sink in, deal with it and pass by it to continue your life if I was not knowing what I spoke of.
Was it the first time you saw someone die?" He asked and turned his head to face the stranger beside him.
Ignis, who was breathing shallow by haunting feelings, shook his head solemnly and answered in an almost whispering voice.
"No... Only the first time that I saw children die in front of my eyes. I... It could have been Noctis or it could have been Iris... I... I know that I can't think like that, I can't hold on to all the 'what if's and 'if not's and all that... It will drive me insane if I continue down that path.