Hate's A Strong Word (Percico)

Emails

Percy Jackson

I continued writing my note after maybe five, ten minutes of no response. Nobody else was responding to me. My parents were out cold.

And I finished it. I wrote the note and I was getting everything ready. Looking for a rope and some meds. Because if one doesn't kill me, the other will for sure.

My phone never went off. I never got a text or a call about it. Nico just showed up in my room. He shadow travelled in. I was frantic, searching through my closet in hopes that I could find something thick and long enough to tie a noose and hold my weight.

Normally, I saw people coming before they hugged me tonight. But not with Nico, nope. He came up from behind me and grabbed me in a hug so I couldn't continue looking through my closet.

And he was just going on and on just saying oh my gods, I'm okay, thank the gods that I'm okay.

Like what do you think this is, Nico? I'm trying to kill myself here. I really don't want to deal with this. The emotions that come with you being here. Around me.

And then I realised that it actually was Nico. He was actually crying.

He knew exactly what I was trying to do.

"Percy, you can't do this." The son of Hades insisted. "You're worth so much than what you think, Percy. I know I'm an asshole and I should've talked to you tonight and I felt terrible about it. But you were amazing, Percy. People want to see you. You're letting down a lot more people if you kill yourself rather than staying alive. If you even let down anyone alive. It can get better. Doing this ruins the chance of it getting better."

I tried to resist him. To get him to let go of me and to let me just fine something. But his grip was made of iron. I questioned why he cared.

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked me. "You're the middle of trying to kill yourself."

"Because you hate me."

I'll never say those order in front of him ever again.

Keeping ahold of me, he pulled away from the hug. Actually offended by that.

"Oh,yeah, four years ago." Nico wasn't happy to hear that. At all. "Four years ago when I thought you had killed my sister and brought monsters back to kill me with, I hated you. Four years ago, Percy. That's changed. A lot changes in four years."

"You told to never talk to you again!" At this point I was so overwhelmed if he let go one one of my hands I would just down that entire pill bottle on my desk.

"Yeah, well I'm also pretty stupid!" Nico talked himself down. "I say a lot of things that I don't mean. Jason pissed me off and you were just there are the wrong time, okay? I'm bad at controlling my emotions. I—"

"Yeah, okay," he was using pity. Which I kind of hated from anyone. "That's why you did that. Sure, Nico. Why ignore me if you don't hate me then? Why go out of your—"

"Because I can't face you, Percy!" Nico sounded just as frustrated as I did at the moment. "I don't hate you. I don't know how to talk to you! Do you know how frustrating that is? I've tried to talk with you for years and I can't do it! Jason can vouch for me, because he hears all of this. Because I don't know... It has nothing to do with you, Percy. I just never had the confidence to walk up to you and talk to you after Bianca died. I just can't..."

The son of Hades went on and on about the fact that I did nothing wrong. Not a damn thing could be blamed on me for what he does between us. It was all him and his lack of confidence in something or another.