I once had a dream.
I mean....an actual dream...while I was sleeping.
I wouldn't call it a dream.
It was my perfect nightmare.
All of my deepest insecurities shoved into one terrible scenario.
All my fear of being not good enough.
(Also the weather was really hot and sunny which made the whole situation even worse).
I'll tell you what I can remember.
So, as I already said- it was very sunny.
I was just waking up, when I noticed that my hand looked kinda chubby.
In disbelief I looked at my other hand.
Also chubby.
I instantly jumped out of the bed to look at myself in the mirror.
I was fat.
The kind of fat, that is clearly unhealthy.
I started crying and crying- why would that happen to me- nobody I know should see me like this.
The next second I was running.
Hoping not to bump into anybody I know.
Hoping not to ne judged.
Hoping to be good enough at some point- I just needed to try harder- right?
And then the obvious happened, I ran into a dozen of important people of my life, people who shouldn't see me like this.
I ran home- out of embarassment.
The tears started rolling down my fat cheeks again.
Suddenly I was in the elevator.
There was a big mirror.
Then there was my ex.
She just laughed.
The evil kind of laught.
I woke up sweating and crying as if everything from that dream actually happened.
But the crazy thing is- it actually did.
My life is like this.
This bad dream was just a dramatic reflection of my own life.
I feel exactly like the fat girl I was in my dream.
I am the fat girl I was in my dream.
Woah, I'm actually crying as I'm writing this.
Please excuse my poor english.
Hopefully I'll correct the text soon- just wanted to write this down before I forget about it.
(Yes I actually had that dream I wish I made that up rip)
