"Outsider." The teacher had asked to describe yourself with one word. "Outsider" had left my mouth before I could even get my ideas together.
"I'm sorry, what was your word?"
"I am an outsider." Was all that left my mouth.
Outsider. "a person who does not belong to a particular group" was the definition in the online dictionary we had. A person who does not feel comfortable around any group of people, causing them to be a loner. Someone who is not always intentionally left out. Sometimes I can't help it. I believe as a person that no one likes me. Maybe I'm too quiet, or too mean, or too strange. But, no one seems to approach me. If approach someone will they think I'm desperate? These thoughts keep me from making friends. I had social anxiety. I know it may not be as bad as others: I don't faint when I get too nervous. Instead, I sit down and bounce my leg up and down at a very quick pace. It bothers many people around me but it was the only way I could cope. The only other way was my upper body shaking, and that attracts more attention than the leg bounce. I sighed, will I ever be the same?
It may not have looked like it, but at one point I was happy. I had friends that loved and supported me, family that always let me come to them, and a wonderful boy who I got to call "mine." If only I could travel back in time, save myself.
I pushed myself off the floor, leaning on the wall, before looking in the mirror. My hair was messy, going in every direction as it was all piled on top of my head. My cheeks were pink and puffy from all the crying. However, the easiest detail to see was a red handprint along the entire right side of my face.
One time, long ago, I was first for something. People had gone to me first for teams, friendships, and more. Now, I am nobody's first. No matter how close I get with someone I will never be "their first."
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, I need to calm down. I am stronger than this. I am in control of myself. I can stop this. I suddenly had a headache. It was small enough that it didn't actually hurt, but it was big enough that you could notice it. That bothered me.
I gave up, I slowly unlocked the door to the bathroom. Taking another deep breath, I walked out. I walked out slowly, closing the door behind me before turning around. Someone was in my room, and they were holding something. My mind was spinning too much to notice. My heartbeat had quicken immediately, I could not breathe fast enough. The last thing I saw was a cloudy figure walking closer to me as the world went black.
a/n
depressing start... this story is somewhat based on me. many of the events in this story have not happened to me. however, I relate much to the character in the book, feeling like an outsider. ik a lot of people go through similar feelings of not being enough, or never being first, or something like that. this book is for those people, I just wanna say ily all stay strong and know I'm always here <3
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outsider ; daniel seavey ✧
FanfictionHe leaned in, slowly closing the small space between them as he closed his eyes. Two inches, one inch, now only a few centimeters away from her face. She suddenly remembered how heartbroken she had become, and how hurt she was after that moment wh...
