Blood.
That's all I could smell. It make my head dizzy. My senses were always heighten at... this time of the month. But no matter how heightened I couldn't find the source. It had been following me around all day making my stomach twist and turn.
"MOONY!" James yelled seeming to be unaware that is was sat less than a meter away from me.
"James?" I replied.
"Tell her!" He nodded towards the already fed up lily i only then realized had sat next to me. I gave james a confused look which was just met with a sigh.
"Remus, you look rather pale, are you feeling well" lilly queried. I just nodded with a smile, noticing the sleeping sirius across from me next to james who was now having various pieces of stationary balanced on his head by peter and james. I allowed myself a small giggle though it wasn't a very successful distraction from the smell. I felt a nudge from next to me before a whisper "so just a bit love sick?".
"What NO!" i said a bit louder than i meant to causing a sleepy sirius to sit up suddenly, books and pens toppling from his head.
"Wha.. moony... wait what?" he sleepily stuttered with concern which made my cheeks feel a bit pinker.
"It's fine, he's fine, it's my fault" lily smirked sneaking a wink to me.
"When did you get here?" he replied with a yawn, before she could reply dumbledore brought the hall to silence. His speech was short and soon the food appeared on the tables.
The smells hit me. The mixture of chicken, vegetables and orange juice merged with the stench of blood. I quickly held my nose but then it brought my attention to the sticky taste of blood at the back of my thought. I closed my eyes trying to focus on anything else but my head refused to cooperate. My mind a whirlwind of blood, food and noise.
"Here" i opened my eyes to sirius who held out a large chunk of chocolate in a silver wrapper, " it doesn't agree with me anyway".
I took it with a quiet expression of gratitude. I allowed the smooth chocolate taste center my attention.
"You alright mate?" james quired.
I nodded. Once the meal had ended we retired to the gryffindor common room where james, sirius and peter spent there time conversing about quidditch with a gaggle of amireing first years. I however was wandering around the room attempting to find who the source of the unusually strong blood smell. Usually it wasn't difficult to find who needed a hug and a small note of reassurances and some chocolate but this time i couldn't.... And it scared me. It worried me to why my mind refused to ignore the smell but it scared me that it seemed familiar.
"Moony? Whats wrong?" i stopped, looking up at sirius who held my shoulders protectively.
"Nothi..." i paused the smell was everywhere now. I could feel myself shaking. My tears swollen with tears.
"Lets talks upstairs." he wrapped his arm around me and lead me to the dorm. A barely made it through the dorm room before i broke down crying. Tears surged from my eyes as a clutched sirius tightly. He just held me tightly rubbing circles slowly on my back. "What up?" he whispered.
"Blood... all i can smell..." i paused unable to breath due to tear " its been following me... i don't know who?". Suddenly The circles stopped.
He was still.
"Sorry." his voice was a whisper. His held on to me as if he had to leave but didn't want to.
Sorry?
Why was he...
It hit me. tearing me apart like paper in a storm.
"Sorry" he repeated.
"Why?" i whispered, "why would you ever even consider..." i could speak anymore. The lump in my thought blocking all words from escaping. Escaping was reserved for the salty tears cascading down our faces.
"for... her... make her happy... i thought..." he choked back tears, "if i did as she said... she...". That was it.
"Sirius Black! You fucking listen to me! You are amazing, brave, loyal, kind, accepting, wonderful and so much more. You have friends who love you. James and you are closer than any other brothers could ever be! Peter admires your every move! Fuck your shitty bitch mother and anyone who agrees with her in the slightest! She's not your real family! We fucking are and if you dare take that away from any of us!!! i don't know what i'd do without any of you..."he looked down, hiding his gaze from where he now sat opposite to me. "Sirius! Look at me! 1/2 the bloody school either wants to be you or fuck you. I don't understand why you still care what that old bag thinks of you when you're surrounded by people who adore every single aspect of you."
"Do you want you be me?" he smiled ½ heartedly.
"No, i don't think i could pull off your famous leather jacket"
He smirked, " you could if you want."
I rolled my eyes before calmly asking "can i check the cut?" he nodded.
I retrieved my first aid supplies that madam Pomfrey had allowed me to have and carefully undid sirius's outstretched arms shirt sleeve pulling it up to reveal dried bloody tissues. I winced as the smell hit me. I carefully pulled the tissues away. The cuts were smooth but deep, it was a complete miracle he hadn't cort any major veins too badly. I carefully sanitized the cuts receiving a few wines from him. Once i was satisfied i wrapped his arm with a bandages and pulled his sleeve down, buttoning it. I put my kit back in its hidden spot. I sat down in front of him with a small shigh.
"I wasn't joking..." he whispered before looking back at me, " i really like you."
I wasn't sure why but i leaned forward just enough so our lips meet lightly.
"I really like you too." i smiled, " i'm going to get an early night since tomorrow..." i sighed, getting up.
"Do you want to cuddle?" he asked sheepishly his face as red as the wallpaper.
"That would be lovely."
"Do i still smell of blood?" i relied the smell had gone and replaced by his usual musty wet dog and shampoo smell.
"No, you smell how you usually do...beautifully "
We fell asleep quietly unaware of the madness that this would cause the next day when James realized he'd lost a bet and peter realized he'd won one for once or the knowing look of Lilly at the breakfast table when she saw James glaring between us or that i would finally realized my life wasn't going to always be full of fear.... But family...
Because not all family is connected...
Though blood.
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AN
hey, look i wrote something that ends happy...
until you remember that Remus would then go on to lose all his friends over the years...
-GT13
YOU ARE READING
Blood (Wolfstar one-shot)
Fanfictiontrigger warnings - suicide, self-harm (and kinda Phantosmia?) i dunno, i was given the writing prompt "blood. that's all i could smell" and this happened so... (cover is not my art) -GT13