When My Gardian Angel Died & Went to Live With God.

Part 1 of a traggic heart fall

___________________________________________________________________________________

This room, my family stand crying in, seems so much darker then other days. I see my mother breathing roughly while sitting on the floor with her knees beneath her. My father standing behind her, his eyes red and his breathing seems off as well. My grandma sits on the outer most edge of the tan corner couch. What is she doing? I fallow her movements starting at her swollen, sobbing eyes, down her motioned arm, to her and which gently cheeks the pulse of my 11 year old sister, Hannah.

Her lips purple. Her skin blue. I don't have to touch her to know she's freezing cold. I know her heart has no more beats, but I still beg her soul-less body for life. The sound of frantic bursts of agonizing pain from my family appears shushed seconds before my mother asks the dreaded words, "d-does she have a pulse?" Her voice shakes and the salty pain streaming down her soft cheeks, only becomes thicker, in a since. My grandmother says, "No," while shaking her head from left to right, then right to left repeatedly. 

My father lets out a small sound of agony. Why, why does he insist to act strong at a moment like this? A moment where you’re never vendible, only hurt severally, mentally and physically? I start to panic amongst my thoughts. I walk over and sit on the arm of the couch and beg louder, thinking maybe she didn't hear me. "Hannah, sissy? Please don't leave me. I need you, sissy? WHY?!" My head seems so fogged.

I'm dry heaving. Why can't my tears come? I get up and moved my numbing body to a near by black leather recliner. Then, almost on-Q it seemed, my body ached an unbearable pain. The tears, the tear started pouring. My vision, almost impaired, by the amount of tears that spill outward from my blue-gray eyes. I'm only 13, she's only 11. How am I supposed to understand this one, God? Then, almost like an answer the thought crossed my mind she's no longer suffering, no longer in pain, no longer hurt, no longer disabled. The slightest amount of comfort came over me but not enough to reduces the pain I felt amongst my chest or the suffocating knot within my throat or the tears that almost hurt to spill upon my cheeks.

Somehow, I end up standing next to my father as he calls 911. He talks briefly to the operator about our tragic situation. Then we call my older brothers and sister. Georgie, his wife Elizabeth, his 2 kids Celest and Markus, lived in Forthood, Texas. Philip and his girlfriend live in Washington, some where. Rob his wife and 3 kids live in Washington also. My only older sister Jennifer, her husband Josh, and 2 kids Alexis and Gabriel, live in Indiana, about an half hour away from us. I also have a younger brother Hayden, he's 3 at this point.

My sister is very successful in life. She works for Wal-Mart in Bedford, Indiana. She is the top manager or something along those lines. Jennifer makes a lot of money. She isn't my full blooded sister, she as a different mother than me, same for Georgie. There mother's name is Pat. I've always felt the emotional need to bash on Pat behind her back. I always feel bad for it but she's my dad’s ex-wife! Am I supposed to be happy to see her? Any way, my sister hasn't exactly been her for us. She says its because of her hecktic job but quite honestly I don't believe so. She probably has tons of opportunities to come and spend some quality time with her three younger siblings. She was there when I was a baby for a long while because she was still a teenager and had to spend time at with dad after he divorced Pat. But our dad worked at Kimble’s Wood and Manufacturing in Jasper, Indiana, so he was only home from about 6 PM to 3 AM. He always left around 4 AM. So Jen would spend time with my mom.

I don't remember much from it. I actually don't remember much from my childhood. There is gaps and wholes I've always been longing to close, But am incapable of closing or filling up.

Georgie, George is his real name but he's named after dad so we call him Georgie. Well, Georgie is in the army I've never really gotten to see him much but sadly I see him more then Jennifer, and he's always moving to different parts of the world! Georgie is married to Elizabeth; at this point in time in 2010, I hadn't seen Elizabeth put much work into things that need to be done. I quite honestly thought she was very lazy. (To current time for a minute. I don't know how she has changed over the chorse of two years while Georgy was deported over seas. I haven't seen her sence like around 2010. And she seemed to be acting a lot better while she knew we were grieveing but I haven't gotten to the parts where I had noticed the changes. So, no one should be getting their pantie's in a knot. And I know I'm not that great with my grammer. And I appoligize to RESPECTFUL READERS, that deserve appoligyzed to. Back to 2010!) Now she has a daughter Celest. Celest has been spoiled her whole life, do to she was the only child for a long time. The only person George and Elizabeth cared for the most, so it's only expected for her to be spoiled. She gets everything she wants when she wants it or she'll figure out a way to get it. Celest is also a very brilliant little girl, she knows how to manipulate, and lie. As all young children do lie at some point or another. But Celest lied in a way that it was almost true but it wasn't. (But with time Celest did mature and by 2010 she was becoming a more responsible, mature, young lady. But I haven't got to the part where I've seen her so she shouldn't have gotten to effended yet or critisize me!) Celest is and always has been a remarkable dancer and very beautiful child. Celest was born on September 7th, 2000, so she was only a year younger then Hannah. Then in 2006(?), Georgie and Elizabeth had Marcus. (Marcus has the longest, curliest, blond hair a boy at his age can have! Haven't gotten that far yet) He's around three at this moment in the past, being born a little bit after my younger brother Hayden.

Robert, Rob is one of my brothers who's not tecnicaly related to me but the emotional bond says other, its the same thing with Phillup. He is married to Tammy. I've alwasy thought Tammy to be kind of strange, but in that good weird way. They live in Washington State, so I don't really talk much. Well, the reality of it we don't talk at all unless something big or bad happens. Which makes me sad. I don't thik Rob appreciates dad very much. He just gives off the I don't care signals. Anyway, Rob has three girls. HA! Well, I've always have loved these girls, but I had a closer connecting with Beth, Elizabeth, than the other two. Do to Beth is only a year younger then me, but I still feel that aunty need to call her Baby Bethy. The one younger then Beth is Kelsey. Both Beth and Kelsey are aggressively into soccer! Then, there is Robin, who in my opinion is a victom of the yongest child syndrum, where she gets whatever she wants because she's the youngest and her parents have gotten lazy with their parenting. As do all parents.

(I feel really bad for saying this, but oh well.) My favorite older sibling is Philip!! Becaus eI feel as if I can conect with him better then the others. He also lives in Washington, near Rob,makes me very sad, but he did some bad stuff down here in Indiana and it's best for him to live up there for his safety and drug-free abilities. Philip and an artist, a wire tree builder, a genius with music, a piano player, a guitar player, a sculptor, a singer, and the most creative person I have ever known in my whole life! I feel bad for him because he is SUCH AN AMAZING ARTIST! But his work hasn't been completely discovered by anyone who's worth discovering it! He makes these wire-trees and OH MY LORD they are BEAUTIFUL! I miss getting to talk to him a lot. He has a girlfriend, which he's been with for 5 years at this point in life. Her name is Franny and SHE IS SOOOO AMAZZINNNGGGGG! I love her so much. I've only meet her face to face i think once but I love her! She is so creative and beautiful. And she has this childish aspect to her that I look at in amazment! I've only met Franny once, as far as I can recall, but I love her like another sibling. Well, one who SHOULD BE MARRIED TO MY BROTHER. ;) ;) Her favorite Disney character is Tigger! Mine is also!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

To readers: Sorry if some of my life events don't seem in order I remember things as I go. Please remember this is a very painful thing I'm doing here, but it has so be done. I hope this will help anyone how has been through agony and been through family difficulty or felt like the people who are supposed to be there for you aren't. I wish everyone the best in life and please continue reading my book of my life my sisters life my parents life by siblings life and my open heart venerable to be pierced.

Also, the link I have posted to go along with part 1 is just basically, closer to the bottom, just showing what my family looks like. We're a weird bunch don't you think? There's a beautiful pick of Hannah, well a frightened pick oh Hannah. But the doctors said she has a caesura disorder, where she has caesuras 24-7, so I don't know if she's ok in the pick or not. Maybe she just kicked someone and It hurt her foot, who knows? God knows!