Why him

Chapter 3

As I'm waiting for the show to start I sit down because I'm lazy asf and start tweeting the guys.
@EmilySantana1:
@Nashgrier ihonestly love or picture together. You look genuinely happy:)
After I tweeted that I just played games and other things like that on my phone I get a notification on twitter
@Nashgrier:
That's because I was ☺️ @Emilysantana

Oh gosh I love this so much. I smile to myself feeling like I'm in a dream. As soon as I look away from that tweet I hear the girls screaming. Someone must be out. As I look to the stage all the boys come out and introduce themselves. After that they all go back and Shawn comes out first by himself to sing. He sang Aftertaste, Never be alone and Life of the party. "I know I was only supposed to sing three songs but I hope it's ok if I see one more" he said into the mic. And all the girls screamed in response.

I watch your troubled eyes as you rest
And I fall in love with every breath
Wonder if those eyes are really shut
And am I the one you're dreaming of
'Cause underneath the darkness
There's a light that is trying so hard to be seen
And I know this, cause I'm noticed,
A little bit shining through the seams

And I swear. The whole time he was singing he did not break eye contact with me. It was kinda awkward.

And if this is what it takes,
Then let me be the one to bear the pain
Oh if this is what it takes,
I'll break down these walls that are in our way
If this is what it takes

You keep on telling me I'm wasting time
But to call it wasting time, oh that's a crime
And you thinks it's crazy what I'm tryna do
Well baby I'm a fool for you
'Cause underneath the darkness
There's a light that is trying so hard to be seen
And I know this, cause I'm noticed
A little bit shining through it seams

And if this is what it takes,
Then let me be the one to bear the pain
Oh if this is what it takes,
I'll break down these walls that are in our way

'Cause if you don't understand yet
Then I'll never let you forget
That you don't have to do this on your own
I'll be your shoulder to lean on
I'll be your right when you feel wrong
So come on take my hand we're moving on

And if this is what it takes,
Then let me be the one to bear the pain
Oh and if this is what it takes,
I'll break down these walls, these walls that are in our way
If this is what it takes

As he finished the song he finally broke eye contact with me as he waved goodbye to his actual fans and smiles to me. Ugh why did he actually look cute when he was singing. It was probably the lack of hydration that was making me hallucinate.

After the show it was time to walk back to the hotel. But I was hella hungry as always so I stopped at this tiny little diner that reminds me of the one back home that I worked at to get this money to come here. I smile as I walk over and sit down. "Hello my name is Katy and I'll be your server today. What can I get you to start out with." She said sweetly. "I'll take a coffee with some chocolate chip pancakes please" I said smiling remembering how good the pancakes back home at Sarah's were. Just as she was walking away I see 9 familiar faces Nash, Hayes, Matt, Shawn, Aaron, Carter, the jacks and Taylor.

I try to hide from Shawn but fail because I'm in a booth. I'm not sure how well I can hide. "Hey Em." Nash said as he Approached me. "Hi nashyy" I says drawing out the Y on his name. He sat close to me and put his hand on my thigh. When Shawn saw this he gritted his teeth and walked outside.

"Excuse me Nash. I'll be right back" I said rolling my eyes. I walk out side to see Shawn pacing back and forth in the parking lot. "What the hell was that Shawn?" I asked him as I put my hands on my hips. "He touched you. On your thigh Emily." Shawn said almost yelling. "Shawn. You know my feelings. You know you have to prove to me that your not who I think you are. And yes he touched my thigh. It's a thigh Shawn. And your not my dad so please just don't. " I screamed at him Almost crying. I'm not sure why I cried. I think all my feelings were just bottled up so high about my past that I just broke.

I sat on the curb just crying for really no reason at all and believe me when I say I hate crying in front of people. So I probably have a good reason to be crying.

I could tell that Shawn didn't know how to react so I told him I was going to go back to my hotel room and I'll have him money to pay for my stuff in the Diner. And started walking back to the hotel.

Once I get back to the hotel I go up and jump in the shower and pick out my sweat pants and my light pink Lace velvety tank top that I sleep in. And I decided I need some air so I went on the roof top.

I was just sitting on the roof crying about everything. About the boys, family, and my past and everything. I had just had enough. But there was one thing that just kept popping into my mind. What I felt towards Shawn. It was kinda indescribable like I wanted to hate him just as much as I did when I got here but I keep finding him in my thoughts.

I decided I wanted to lay down up on the roof and look at the stars like I used to do when I was little. As I drifted off to sleep little by little not worrying about who was going to come up here.